“I am leaving.” I force myself to say. An array of emotions passes over his face. “I can’t stay, Penn. I can’t be the reason your child grows up without both of his parents under the same roof. And I can’t watch you raise a child that you have withher.” I can’t even say her name.
“I don’t want to be with her. I want to be with you.”
“I don’t think it matters what we want,” I admit, pulling my hand from his.
“So that’s it? You’re giving up without even giving me a real chance?”
“I did give you a real chance. Look where it got us. We tried going back. We didn’t address all the time and hurt between us, not really. We just jumped right back in like nothing happened. We were fooling ourselves, Penn, and it was only a matter of time before real life brought us back down to earth.”
“You speak as though happy endings don’t exist.”
“I think they do, maybe just not for us.”
“Or maybe you don’t love me enough to put in the effort.”
“Is that what you think? That I don’t love you enough? Look at me, Penn. Look me in the eye and tell me that if I were pregnant with another man’s child, it wouldn’t change anything between us.” When he doesn’t immediately say anything, I continue, “You can’t, can you? Because you know it would. It would change everything, no matter how much you wished it wouldn’t.”
“I don’t want to lose you, London.” His voice breaks around my name, and I swear my knees tremble at the sound.
“I’m sorry I came back. I’m starting to realize maybe it would have been better for everyone involved if I had stayed away forever.”
“That’s not true. Even if it meant I had to lose you all over again, I wouldn’t trade getting to hold you one last time for anything in the world.”
“Penn.” Unshed tears fill my eyes, and it takes everything I have in me to keep them from spilling over. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.
“I love you, LV, and no matter where you go, no matter how far, that will not change. I will love you forever.”
“I will love you forever.” A tear slips out despite my best efforts to hold it at bay.
“You have no idea how much I wish it were enough.” More tears fall, one after another.
“And for what it’s worth, I think you’re going to make an incredible father.” I wipe at my cheeks.
“Please stay.” His request hits me straight in the chest, the pain radiating outward, taking over my entire body.
“You know I can’t. It will kill me, Penn. It’s already killing me.”
He takes my face in his hands, dipping so he can look directly into my eyes.
“We could be happy. As long as we’re together, we’ll make it work.”
“With Cat involved, I seriously doubt that.”
“She’s irrelevant. She doesn’t matter.”
“She’s the mother of your child. She matters more than you’re willing to admit.”
“I just want you,” he croaks.
“But it’s not just about what you want anymore, is it?” I grab his wrists, pulling his hands from my face. “There’s a baby involved now. A baby that’s going to need their father. And not just some of him—all of him.”
“This isn’t fair.” He runs a hand through his hair, tugging on the ends in frustration.
“You’re right. It isn’t. But life isn’t fair.”
“None of this would have happened if you had never left.” Sadness makes way for anger.
“Some might argue this would have never happened had you not decided to stick your dick inside the one person on this planet that I despise with every fiber of my being.”
