"Audrey."
"I haven't told him." My voice was steady. It surprised me. "I haven't told anyone, Astrid. I drove here from the parking lot."
She set the test on the side table by the door. She put her arms back around me, and I let her, and I put my forehead against her shoulder.
"It's okay," she said.
"Astrid."
"It's okay, Audrey. We're going to figure it out."
"You don't know that."
"I do."
I cried.
She moved me to the kitchen without letting go. Her arm stayed around my waist as we walked down the hall, sat me on the stool at the island, and then put the kettle on.
"Aud." Astrid was at the counter across from me, her hands flat on the surface. "Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to just sit here for a while?"
"I don't know."
"That's okay, too."
We sat. Astrid made me tea and pushed it across the island. I wrapped both hands around it.
I sat on the stool and let the tears run down my face, and didn't wipe them. Astrid didn't tell me to stop. She didn't hand me a tissue. She stood across the island from me and waited.
"I need you to promise me something," I said.
"Okay."
"You can't tell anyone. Not even Easton. Especially not Easton."
Astrid went still. Easton was Duke's best friend. If Easton knew, Duke would know by morning, and I wasn’t ready for that.
"Aud," she said. "Shouldn't you tell Duke?"
"Not yet. Maybe not ever. I don't know."
"He deserves to?—"
"I know what he deserves, Astrid. I'm not ready."
She looked at me. She was running the math—the friendship with Duke, the marriage to Easton, the secret I was asking her to hold between them.
"Please," I said. "If he finds out now, it becomes his thing to have an opinion about, and I need it to be mine first. Just mine. For a little while."
Astrid looked at me for a long beat. Then she nodded.
"Okay," she said. "I won't say anything. I promise."
"Thank you."
I unlocked the door to my apartment, dropped my keys on the table by the entry, and stood in my kitchen. The coffeemaker was off. The candle on the counter I lit every evening was cold and unlit. Everything in this apartment was where I'd put it.
I was going to have a baby in this apartment.
