Ivy nudged Vanessa out of the way and took my hand. “Do you want to do the date idea? If you say yes, we can tell Boone, and you can relax. If you say no, we can tell Boone that you’re nervous. Then, you can relax. Just let us help you, so you can leave the bathroom.”
“Mama?” Skylar said and knocked on the door. “What’s happening? Are you crazy now?”
A laughing Vanessa opened the door to find Rowdy squatted next to my daughter, feeding her things to say.
“Dude,” Vanessa said and flicked her brother.
Rowdy shrugged. “I’m good with kids.”
Skylar looked up at him. “Can I have a cookie now?”
“Sure, kid. I pay my debts,” Rowdy said and left with Skylar.
I heard my daughters in the nearby kitchen with Rowdy, Bebe, and Dillon. I felt stupid hiding, but I couldn’t get my butt through the door.
“You like Boone,” Ivy said, regaining my focus. “A date will let you get to know him without all these people hovering around.”
“What if he doesn’t like me?”
“Oh, he likes you,” Vanessa said as she checked her appearance by peering over the much shorter Ivy. “I’ve never seen him like a woman before. It’s cute. I should take a picture.”
“Okay,” I blurted out, just wanting to stop talking and get myself under control. “A date sounds nice and normal.”
“Normal,” Vanessa murmured and nodded. “Life is all about embracing normal. So, will two days be enough for you to mentally prepare?”
“What about the girls?”
“My mom can watch them while you enjoy quality time with my handsome club brother,” Vanessa said, and I instantly tensed when she mentioned Boone’s good looks.
“Two days will work,” I said.
Vanessa startled me by throwing open the door and running away. I couldn’t imagine being so impulsive. I had been considering putting an Eddie Murphy face in Boone’s pocket for months. Nothing about me was impulsive.
Ivy watched me as we stood in the bathroom. “I used to have so many fantasies in my head,” she explained. “My real life was safe but dull. I dreamed of breaking free, but when I finally saw my chance to go wild, I got scared. I wasn’t sure who I really was outside of my head. But I learned that failing isn’t the end of the world, especially not with these people. No one expects you to be perfect or know all the answers. There’ll be no judgment if you change your mind.”
I realized my greatest fear wasn’t failing, but having others judge me. I grew up feeling like I let people down. Now, I feared I’d disappoint Boone.
And even more, I worried I’d let myself down. No man had ever interested me as Boone did. I had fantasized about him every day since we met. I had such big hopes for us. I wanted to be loved by him. My dreams felt almost reasonable.
But I knew I would mess up. I had brought out the worst in Chris. He wasn’t violent with most people. Though I understood that the violence was his fault, I felt like I triggered something in him. What if I did the same with Boone?
Shaking my head, I thought about Dan’s behavior when he met Lula. He didn’t act rationally. He raced to Little Memphis to see her. His behavior had seemed so odd to me.
My brother’s impulsive choices led him to find love with a good woman who was crazy about him. He remained fearless, even when Zodiac had given him attitude, and I panicked over his absence.
Despite how I’d spent over thirty minutes hiding in the bathroom, I chose to believe I could be as fearless as Dan.
Walking into the kitchen, I focused on Skylar and Lyric eating their cookies.
“I’m filling them up with sugar,” Rowdy said proudly. “They’ll be more fun for you that way.”
“That’s good parenting,” Vanessa told her brother, who nodded.
Unable to tell if they were teasing each other or totally serious, I focused on a departing motorcycle. Soon, Clint appeared and offered me a reassuring smile.
My stomach flipped at the idea of him talking to Boone about me. Everything was out in the open now. No more quiet daydreaming about a sexy biker sweeping me off my feet.
Before I could get excited about my upcoming date, Dan entered the house. His dark eyes zeroed in on me. I was a grown woman and a mother of two. I had survived a stressful childhood, an abusive husband, and a bullet to the back.
