“Who is she?” Rock asked.
Shrugging, I muttered, “It’ll never happen between her and me, so I don’t want to gossip.”
Rowdy threw a pillow at me. “If you’ve got a woman making you wild inside, why not just take the fucking leap? No one ever won a prize without taking their shot.”
“It’s complicated.”
“No, it isn’t, ya dum-dum.”
“Don’t start that shit with me,” I said when Rowdy used his “dum-dum” crap to goad me into an argument. “And itiscomplicated. I’m not a man interested in settling down. And the lady I have a thing for isn’t an easy fuck. If I ask her out, she’s bound to think something special is happening.”
“Is it special?” Rowdy mocked. “Does your heart race when you see this chick?”
Turning the attention toward him, I asked, “Have you ever liked anyone?”
“Yeah. I’m currently horny for an amazing chick. She rode my dick in an especially romantic way in the back seat of her car.”
“So, when do we meet her?”
“Turns out she’s nuts,” Rowdy said, wearing a confused frown. “We hooked up a few times before she flipped out and ran off. You can’t even know how bummed I felt.”
“I feel like you’re fucking with me.”
“No, man, if Katie had left a slipper behind, I would have gone Prince Charming on the situation and tried to track her down. Instead, she remembered her shoes, and I never saw her again. I cry about it from time to time, but like in a totally masculine way.”
Rock sneered, “You’re a fucking bitch.”
“You’ll never know love because your heart only has space for your mommy, daddy, siblings, and me. Oh, and your grandma.”
“What about Boa?”
Rowdy waved off Rock’s question. “You don’t give a shit about that dog.”
“He’s my boy.”
“You hate him, dum-dum. It’s so obvious.”
“Don’t project your hate for Goblin on my relationship with my much finer dog.”
As they bitched about who owned the better Chihuahua, I wondered about Nova. She had a mixed spaniel named Ramen. My Chihuahua was named Beef Jerky. Was it a coincidence that we both named our pets after food?
Rock and Rowdy continued to mock each other for another five minutes, each one insisting the other ought to marry his dog.
“No woman will marry you,” Rowdy insisted. “Unless she was after your money. But even then, what kind of suffering would she have to endure to get a little cha-ching?”
Rock pulled a quarter from his pocket and flicked it at Rowdy. Suddenly, my VP frowned at me. “I forgot you were here.”
“I didn’t want to interrupt this love affair,” I said and shrugged. “Maybe that’s the real reason you two haven’t found your soul mates. Is there something going on here beyond friendship?”
Rowdy sized up Rock and shrugged. “I’m not against going gay with the right guy, but I sense Rock isn’t good in bed. I’d need a tender lover to get my engine revving.”
Rock threw his head back and laughed until he was red in the face. “I would rip your ass apart.”
“See?” Rowdy hollered while chuckling. “A good lover would buy me the best lube and wrap it up in a pretty box. Maybe stick a fucking bow on top. Not you, though. What a big dum-dum you are.”
A knock at the door had me out of my chair. I was chuckling at their bullshit when I let inside Alon “Nine” Tooker and Farley Jones. The two men were fellow Rawlins kids. Nine’s brown hair was tied up in a messy bun. Farley’s light brown hair hung inhis face. They strutted over to the seating area where Rowdy was hanging half off the couch.
“What is this?” Nine asked Rowdy.
