I looked away from him. My blood was boiling at this point even though I knew he was right.
"Look at me," Kaseem said, and his voice had that edge that made you obey. "I'm not mad at you Namier. I am disappointed tho. There's a difference. You got heart. You always had heart. But heart without strategy is just a suicide mission. Everybody got somebody they answer to. Even me. So I need you to trust and listen to me."
He was right. I knew he was right.
"Here's what's about to happen," Kaseem said. "You're going to stand the fuck down. You're going to let me handle the judge situation with Tatti in the morning. She has a good ass plan to get what we need so we can get bro out. And once Zaire walks out of that jail, then we move and handle them fuck niggas. Strategic. And they ain't gonna see it coming because we ain't moving off emotion."
"And if I don't stand down?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
"Then you know what’s up with me. I hope you respect me enough as your big brother to not wanna be a nigga that cross me. You know when I feel crossed or disrespected, I don’t give a fuck who you are! It’s yo funeral nigga.” My brother spoke through clinched teeth, and I knew he meant every word.
I felt something crack inside my chest. The anger, the rage, the need for immediate revenge - it all deflated when I realized that Kaseem was right. If I moved now, it would fuck everything up. It would give everybody ammunition that was against us.
"Alright," I said quietly. "I'll stand down."
Kaseem nodded like he'd known that would be my answer all along.
"Zaire gone be praising yo ass for wanting to set some shit off behind him, but he also wouldn't want you locked up beside him. So you stay focused. You stay smart. And you let your big brother handle this.”
“Don’t stress too much lil brudda. I’ll give you the honor of pulling that trigger when the time comes. Nigga may not even have a full week to live. Let them enjoy it now.” Kaseem said as he prepared to leave.
He turned to walk away, then stopped.
"And Nyla?" he said, not even turning around. "She just called Tatti, pissed as hell before I left our suite. Man, call and apologize to that girl. I told yo bitch ass not to mess with that girl and fuck up what I got going on with mines. Now my wife looking upside my head.”
Before I could respond, he was back in his Escalade and pulling away, leaving me standing in the warehouse parking lot feeling like I'd just been schooled by the realest nigga I knew.
The way he was using that wife word, it was a side of this nigga that I wasn’t used to.
I needed this talk with him. He was right. About all of it.
And that pissed me off more than anything else, but I knew that for now, I had to stand down.I had to trust that Kaseem was gone handle shit and I had to respect his calls the same as I would my father’s. This shit was hard when the nigga went from being my brother to damn near being my boss.
—
I stood in that warehouse parking lot for a long time after Kaseem pulled away. The adrenaline was fading and what was left was guilt. Real guilt. Guilt from my brother feeling like I’d gone against what he’d said. The kind that sits in your chest heavy.
He was right about everything. About moving reckless. About putting the family at risk. About letting rage make decisions for me.
On top of all that, he was also right about Nyla.
I pulled out my phone and looked at her contact. My thumb hovered over the call button. I wasn’t the nigga to apologize even when I knew I was wrong. She deserved more than a weak ass sorry.
Nah. That wasn't gonna cut it.
I shook my head and got in the car instead. If I was gonna do this, I couldn’t be no lame ass nigga about it, like she said I was.
Her address was still in my GPS from when we left the bar. The drive to her house took about twenty minutes. The whole way there, I was running through what I was gonna say. How I'd approach it. What words would make her listen to what a nigga had to say.
Then I thought about it more and said fuck this shit. I was just gonna go with the flow and be on whatever time her ass was on.
I pulled up to her house and killed the engine. It was late as hell now, but her lights were still on. I could see the glow coming from what I thought was her bedroom window.
I got out of the car and walked up to her door. My heart was pounding and I ain’t never been a nervous nigga.
I rang the doorbell.
It took a minute but I heard her footsteps. Heard her checking the peephole. Then the door swung open and she was standing there in a silk robe, her hair still wet like she'd just gotten out of the shower. Her face went from confused to angry in about two seconds.
