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We’re back to this—so easily. His words are a sandblaster against my soul, decimating my insides, crushing my bones, leaving me as a completely empty shell. “Because your car, your life, is worth less?”
“Yes,” he answers with stubborn resolve.
The hospital doors open, and Beth steps onto the sidewalk. My throat thickens, and the warning contortion of my stomach tells me my time is up. I yank my hand from his. “She’s waiting for you. ”
He glances over his shoulder, and I take advantage by fleeing. Quickly. Turning into the maze of cars. Hoping to disappear. Words fly in my head—all related, yet not; all tangible, yet slipping through my fingers: Eric and debt and Isaiah and love and Beth and strength and weakness. . .
And my mother and my brothers and my father and Colleen. . .
All of us dominoes on a board where one event results in chaos. One tip of a piece and everything scatters. There’s no control. Like everyone else, I’m a piece to be overturned. I will never control my destiny.
My hand grabs at my coat, jerking it off as heat consumes me and chokes my neck. At the intersection of four parked cars, I fall to my knees and convulse with the first dry heave. Searing pain cuts through my throat and I become light-headed.
“Rachel!” Isaiah lifts me upright, wiping my hair from my face.
“No hospital. ” They can’t know. . . they can’t know. . . they can’t. . . “Promise they won’t know. . . . ”
My stomach cramps, and I roll away from him with the blast of heat rushing through my body.
“Jesus!” Isaiah scrambles beside me. “There’s blood. ”
Chapter 65
Isaiah
PROMISE THEY WON’T KNOW. . .
Craving a physical connection, I slide my finger along the back of Rachel’s hand. She’s asleep. Has been for a while. Curled in the fetal position in the middle of my bed, Rachel wears the mask of a ravaged person. Somehow, I missed the signs: dark circles under her eyes, the clothes that once fit perfectly now hang, her skin so pale it’s translucent.
Rachel told me she had attacks, that she ended up in the hospital once, and that she hides them from her family. I never thought to ask if she was concealing them from me.
Her eyes press tightly in her sleep, and she flinches as she swallows. I wish she’d sleep deeply, but she doesn’t. Staying restless, Rachel turns her head. I tuck the blanket back around her, whispering for her to rest.
“Isaiah,” Abby says softly from the doorway. “Everyone’s here. ”
I nod and Abby slips behind the door. Everyone being here would be Noah’s doing, not mine. He found us—me cradling a broken Rachel in my arms—and drove us home. Took everything I had not to rush Rachel into the E. R. , but she made me promise not to. I’ve never considered going back on my word as much as I do right now.
The world is stacked against Rachel and me. The money is due this weekend. We’re down a car and we aren’t even close to the amount. Rachel’s body is worn, her spirit drowning. If we don’t pay off this debt, a nightmare will visit us both. Eric will come after me and he’ll hurt her. My fingers ball into a fist. I’ll die before I let that happen.
A rustle of sheets, then soft fingers glide against mine. I glance at Rachel and meet glazed-over blue eyes. The spark is gone, taking the violet hue along with it.
“How are you?” I ask, and focus on not demanding why the hell she’s kept all this from me. We’ll have the conversation, but not in this moment.
“Okay,” she says in a hoarse, cracked voice. “I’m sorry. ”
I shake my head, not wanting her apology. “Me, too. ” I lace my fingers with hers. “Why did you run from me?”
“I saw you hug Beth,” she croaks.
“I love you. Not anyone else. ”
“I know. I’m sorry. My head got messed up. I was worried about you and we had a fight and I didn’t know if you were alive and when I saw you two together. . . ” Rachel lets the words trail off. “Beth’s strong. ”
“So are you,” I say.
“You don’t think that. ”
“Fuck that,” I snap, then close my eyes to rein in my temper. I suck in a breath before reopening them. “I do think that. Most girls I know would be lying under a bed in the fetal position after living a day with Eric on their backs. You’ve stood strong the entire time. ”
