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My sister. I search the crowd. . . looking for Ethan. I have a brother—a twin—and I have older brothers, but I’ve never known a sister.
People begin to whisper, and Ethan stands. He thinks I’m on the verge of an attack. West joins him. I take a deep breath, and for the first time in my life in front of a crowd, I’m able to breathe. “I never met Colleen. ”
I cover the speech with my hands and focus instead on my two lifelines: Ethan and West. “I have brothers. Lots of them. ” And people laugh, and that makes me almost smile.
“But I don’t know what it’s like to have a sister. For weeks, I’ve talked about how great Colleen was and about her beauty and strength, and the entire time I talk all I can think is how I sort of hate her because I can never be as awesome as her. ”
I swallow as my throat tightens. “If she didn’t die then maybe she could have taught me all those things that I lack that she possessed—like grace and compassion and how to be an extrovert. Maybe if she didn’t die, then my parents and my oldest brothers wouldn’t have spent so much of their lives living in the past. I used to think I hated Colleen, but I don’t. I do hate cancer. ” I stop as my lips quiver. I hate cancer. So much.
“I hate how it took someone wonderful and destroyed her. I hate how cancer ripped apart a family. I hate. . . I hate. . . that I would have never been born without her death. Cancer wasn’t fair to Colleen. It wasn’t fair to Mom and Dad. It wasn’t fair to Gavin and Jack. ”
A tear escapes from the corner of my eye as I stare straight at my parents. “And it sure wasn’t fair to West, Ethan or me. ”
My mother places a hand over her mouth, and a sickening pain strangles my gut when I realize I spoke every thought I’ve had since I can remember. My body shakes and I run a hand through my hair. What have I done?
A million eyes gawk at me. The back door to the room opens and I almost weep with relief: Isaiah.
Chapter 69
Isaiah
THE ENTIRE ROOM TURNS AND stares. There’s no doubt what they see—ripped jeans, a black T-shirt, tattoos and earrings. I don’t care what they see. All I care about is what she sees: a person unwelcomed or the guy she loves.
A tear flows down her face, and the hand wrapped at her waist tells me she’s paralyzed. In a long gold ball gown that’s more skirt than dress, Rachel is truly the angel I believe her to be. A man in a tuxedo stands. “Son, I think you have the wrong room. ”
“No. I don’t. ” I stride between the tables, keeping my eyes locked with hers. The closer I get, the more she straightens. Her hand falls from her stomach, and the tear clears from her face. Rachel gazes at me as if I’m a dream. I extend my hand, palm out. “I need help. ”
Her blue eyes lose their glaze, and the hue of violet I love so much returns. “So do I. ”
My fingers tighten around hers and I gesture to the parking lot. “Is your car here?”
She nods. “Good,” I say. “Because Zach will only race you in your Mustang. ”
The smile she flashed to me the first night we met brightens her face. “Then let’s go. ”
Chapter 70
Rachel
WITH MY HAND IN HIS, Isaiah sets a blinding speed and I match it. People stand, unsure what to do. Confused and rapid conversation erupts around us. I should be freaked by the way they stare at me, but instead, I get hit with an adrenaline rush and I feel—alive.
In the hallway, I’m desperate to keep pace, hoping to leave my family behind. I kick the heels off my feet, and Isaiah flashes a crazy grin. “Blacktop’s cold. ”
“I can’t drive in heels. Besides, you can carry me. ”
I love how he laughs.
“I’ll need clothes,” I say.
“Zach would pay double for you to race him in that. ”
“I’m serious. ”
“We’ll call Abby and Echo once we get in the car. They’ll find something. ”
“Rachel!” my father yells from down the hallway and I stop cold. The blood drains from my body.
Isaiah rounds on me, concern clouding his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
