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Her head rocks a no against my chest.
“They why do you?”
“Because I want to make her happy. ”
Not having had a mom to want to make happy since I was six, I’m at a loss over what to say so instead I run my hand up and down her spine. I may not understand, but I care.
“Can I tell you a secret?” she whispers.
“Yeah. ”
A weighted silence builds between us, and I begin to count the unspoken beats. One. Two. Three. Four.
“Sometimes I hate Colleen,” she whispers like she’s in a confessional. “Does that make me an awful person?”
I think of seeing my mom today and of the anger still festering deep inside. If someone had told me she died four years ago when she was in prison, would I have honestly missed her? If someone told me the dad I never knew croaked, I could guarantee there wouldn’t be any tears. If Rachel’s an awful person then I must be related to Satan. “No, it doesn’t. ”
Rachel pulls her head off my chest, and her violet eyes have a glaze that shows the extent of her headache. “Are you just saying that?”
I brush my fingers under the dark circles of her eyes, wishing my touch could make her better. “I saw my mom today. ”
She blinks and an ache fills my chest. When I opened my mouth, that wasn’t what I thought I would say.
“Do you see her often?”
“It’s the first time I’ve seen her since I was six. ”
“Oh, Isaiah. ” Rachel grips the fingers of my right hand and rests our joined hands on my stomach. “Are you okay?”
I start to say yes, but then think about Rachel telling me about her mom and Colleen. “No. ”
She squeezes my hand and I squeeze back, grateful that she doesn’t say a thing. There are no words for what happened today. For neither me nor Rachel. Being born into the world is the greatest crapshoot there is. Some are born lucky, others aren’t. For the first time, I see that this rule transcends money.
“I wish I could make you feel better. ” Rachel places her chin back on my chest and flutters her eyelids like it’s a struggle to keep them open. She’s in pain, and she wants to take on mine.
Not sure how to handle her statement, I rub her temple again while gently guiding her head so that she rests her cheek against me once more. “This makes me better. ”
Rachel shifts her mouth to the side, clearly not buying it.
“How are you?” I ask to deflect.
“Tired,” she mumbles.
So am I, but when I’m with her, the weight of my problems doesn’t feel as draining. “Go to sleep. I promise I’ll be gone before anyone knows I was here. Remember, be at the garage tomorrow after school. ”
“After school,” she repeats.
Rachel snuggles close, and I tighten my hold. I have a feeling tonight I’ll roll over in bed searching for Rachel, because this moment right here is the closest I’ve come to having peace in a long time.
Chapter 38
Rachel
THE ENGINE SWITCHES FROM A growl to a purr as I shift down and ease into the bay of Isaiah’s garage. My heart does that nauseating skip, squeeze, beat once combination the moment I spot Isaiah. His eyes go right to mine, and the slight slant of his mouth gives me flutters.
Unable to hold his gaze, I stare at the console as I place her in Park. Oh, God, he is happy to see me. At least I think he is. My insides explode at the sight of him striding over. Last night, I fell asleep in his arms and woke up this morning to find my cell on the pillow beside me with the message Tomorrow typed into an open window.
I thought school was never going to end.
