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“Anyone else know?”
“What do you think?”
I think Grams would have already been used against me if he had told. “Guess you want me to thank you for that.”
“There’s a lot you should thank me for.”
I snort. “Should I thank you for knowing how Jesus felt about Judas?”
Linus leans forward and bounces his ball against the aging wood of the porch. “It was never to go as far as it did. Tommy was just supposed to scare you and I was supposed to swoop in and save you. Tommy was pissed you knifed him. He was only supposed to scare you with a missed shot. That was it, but when you drew blood, he thought you saw him and he reacted out of instinct. Out of rage, out of fear of you fingering him, so he shot you. He was wrong.”
“You were wrong.”
Linus raises his head to meet my eyes and the grim reaper I recently saw in my father is there in the cold stare. “Tommy’s been dealt with, and I’m in the midst of paying penance for my sins.”
My gut twists and I understand there’s no point in asking or pleading for Tommy. Justice, in whatever form, has been served.
“You were pulling away, Abby. Making friends. Kissing some guy and looking at him like you cared. Fuck, it’s like you were going out of your way to break your father’s rules.”
“You couldn’t try letting me go? I hear there’s a song with a cute snowman. You should give it a try.”
“You were my meal ticket. My relationship with you made me important to Ricky. You quit and I lost my leverage.”
I overly pout my bottom lip. “Oh, boo hoo. Poor Linus has to be promoted based on his own merit.” I lose the mock caring act. “Get the fuck off my porch.”
“You really want to disappear, Abby? Because I don’t think that’s what you want.”
“What I want is not your concern.”
“Return to selling and I swear to God you’ll be safe and if you want to keep your friends, keep Logan, then I won’t stand in your way.”
I throw my arms out to my sides. “Because of you I was shot! I could have di
ed!”
“I know!” he roars as he stands. “You and your dad were the closest thing I had to a family and I’m well aware I fucked up, but you were leaving. I couldn’t let you leave.”
I cross my arms and lower my head because I don’t want to hear or see any this. I don’t want to hear how Linus cared or see how he’s hurting. “You betrayed me.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shoves his hands into his sagging jean pockets and he waits. For what I don’t know. As fucked up as Linus was, I understood him, because I was just as messed up. We were related by a man who took us in regardless of how mentally screwed in the head we were. Linus and I—we weren’t really friends, but we were allies and that used to mean something. It’s as close to being emotional as Linus would allow—as close to an emotion as I used to allow and now I’m leaving.
“I can’t forgive you,” I say. “Not now.”
“I know. Your dad knows what I did, but I have a feeling you know this otherwise you wouldn’t have come back into town. He’s pissed, but he understands why I did what I did.”
Dad offered him some sort of forgiveness because our world will always be a complicated one, which is why Dad has told me to leave. Plus Dad only has so much pull left in the outside world. Touching Linus may not be one of the things he can do anymore.
“I know you don’t want to leave, Abby.”
“I’m not selling anymore.”
“I get that. I thought I would offer you another out. One where you can leave selling and Ricky won’t ask you to return. One where you might walk without too much fear of repercussions later.”
My forehead furrows as I wait for his explanation. I’ve tried to think of a thousand ways to walk from selling where Ricky wouldn’t be asking me back or wouldn’t be hunting me down in fear of what I know.
“Remember Travis Barnell?”
