“If anyone could have, it would have been me. I could have tried to petition the gods, or speak to the other Chosen and get an audience before the king.” Self-loathing and regret are clearly written across his face, his hands tightening slightly on my shoulders, as though to reassure himself that I am still here. “Yet I did nothing, I just accepted your fate.”
This isn’t entirely true, he has always looked out for me, even at cost to himself. Staring up at his familiar face now, I take in the fine lines across his skin that I haven’t seen before. I had no idea he was carrying this guilt for all this time.
“I watched as they removed your bronze band and fitted your black one,” he continues, his expression distant as he relives the memory. I had no idea that he was there, he must have hid so he could watch. Grimacing, I clench my hands into fists as my arm burns with remembered pain. Why did he have to see that? It wasn’t exactly my proudest moment. If he was there to see it happen, why didn’t he step in to help me? A little part of mymind plants that thought, making me feel uncomfortable. No, he did what he could in the circumstances. I’m not going to start questioning him now over something that happened years ago.
“I saw how the metal was still hot from the forge and how it burnt you as they welded it shut,” he continues, unaware of my discomfort. “I saw how tightly it was fixed to your arm and how tears rolled down your cheeks from the pain, yet you never uttered a cry.” Shaking his head, his despair shifts to frustration. “Then you returned to your home and I saw the moment your father disowned. He hit you and publicly humiliated you. When you fell to the ground, no one came to help you. I should have stepped in, helped you.”
“Stop.” My broken whisper fills the space between us. I cannot hear any more about that awful day or how he was there to see it all. The worst day of my life was seen by so many, and the betrayal I felt that no one stepped in or even called out my name is something I have carried around with me for years. To know he was there and could have helped is painful. So much so that slow, fat tears roll down my cheeks as I’m forced to relive it.
“Kiara,” he whispers tenderly, swiping a thumb across my cheek to catch the tear. “I have to do this.” He looks so torn. “I must make up for everything I should have done when you needed me. You are so important to me, Kiara, and I can’t see you hurt like that again.”
Back when we had both come of age and given our designations, we had remained close, his work as Chosen brought him into the city a lot, so no one really blinked at a white and brown band spending so much time together. Our friendship blossomed into something more. We were still so innocent back then. It never really became anything, and then I was re-designated and the black band was forced upon me.
To hear this now, that all this time he’s continued to hold these feelings for me. I never allowed myself to think abouta future with him, not expecting to live past my first year as sullied. Those with black bands are forced from society, no one is allowed to interact with them by law, so I had thought I would never see him again. Just to have his forbidden friendship in the form of food parcels was more than I ever expected.
Knowing what I do now, that he was actually there for the event and did not help doesn’t sit quite right. I wouldn’t have wanted him to get in trouble for interacting with me, but if the situation was the other way around, would I sit back and let all of that happen to him? The answer comes to me immediately. No, I couldn’t just stand by and let it happen.
What really matters that is that he’s trying to make up for it now. We either escape the city and he loses everything, or we are caught and he’s sentenced to death. He’s putting himself on the line to save me. Of course, he doesn’t know about my deal with king.
Squeezing his hand, I wait until I know I have his full attention. “Caleb, I think I have found a way for the king to release me.”
His brows furrow even deeper and he shakes his head, glancing over his shoulder to check we are still alone. “You are sentenced todeath,Kiara. There are no other choices.”
My stomach twists at the reminder. “The king offered me a deal. To accept the death penalty, or to push magic into these gems.” I gesture to the pouch of gems that I left by the far wall. This is not quite how the king had phrased his offer and there was far more threatening involved, but I’m not going to go into detail.
Caleb looks at me in a way he never has done before – as though he doesn’t recognise me. Magic is such a touchy subject, despite no one being able to wield it for hundreds of years. We have been so conditioned to question everything unnatural, and that is exactly what he’s doing now.
“Magic doesn’t exist any longer,” he reassures himself quietly, “It is an impossible task.”
I’m about to tell him that I used magic which is going to make him view me differently. Of course it was the demon who used the magic, but I can’t tell Caleb that. Everything we have been taught about those who use magic, witches, is that they are evil. Is this how he will see me from now on?
“I did it, Caleb.” Despite my fear of his reaction, this is the only way.
He frowns and slowly shakes his head as he tries to comprehend what I’m saying. His hands drop to his sides and I instantly feel the loss of his touch. “No, that’s not possible.”
“You just have to believe me,” I push forward, ignore the sting of his reaction. At least he didn’t back away from me in horror. It will take him a while to process, and I don’t expect him to accept it now, I just need him to not do anything stupid. “I’m not putting you at risk for me Caleb. I don’t know how I did it, but there is magic in those gemstones when there wasn’t before. This is what the king wanted.” In my reassurances to him, I’m also trying to convince myself that the king will live up to his promise. “This will work and if something goes wrong, I shall request to go to the temple. Then we can still use your plan.”
He looks mollified, wanting to believe me while still struggling to put everything together. When he stormed in here, he was determined to rescue me, and now he’s learnt that I am rescuing myself. Releasing a long, drawn-out sigh, he pinches the bridge of his nose and mutters what I think is a prayer under his breath.
I should let him have this moment, yet I have questions burning in the back of my mind, ones that only he would be able to answer for me. Biting down on my lip, I try to hold back, only I have no idea how much time we still have together.
“What can you tell me about demons?” I blurt out, startling him from his prayer.
His brows shoot up at the abrupt change of topic. “They are evil creatures that try to corrupt our souls. They are powerful and their magic is intoxicating.” Cutting off him explanation, his expression changes to one of concern and reproach. “Why? Are you considering summoning one? You shouldn’t mess with demon magic, Kiara.”
“No, no, it’s nothing like that,” I quickly rush to reassure him, raising my palms to stop him before he gets any further. “I overheard one of the guards talking about them and I knew you would know. They mentioned something about demons and their names?” It’s all a lie, but I cannot tell him about my deal with Kit. He wouldn’t understand. I feel bad about not telling him the truth, a heavy weight settling across my chest. However, Caleb has answers that I need to stay alive.
There’s a heavy pause as he scans my face. I’m not sure what he’s looking for, and only a moment later he nods to himself and clears his throat. “Demons are controlled by their true names.”
True names? This means nothing to me. “I don’t understand.”
His posture changes as he shifts his weight, falling into teaching mode. The higher classes have sessions taught but the Gods Chosen, so this is something he would be used to explaining. “Demons are hard to control, but they use the magic of words. Everything has a true name, and if you can speak magic, you can possess it. This is the same for demons, discover their true name and you can control them. They guard them fiercely because of this. A demon will also will do everything to try and discover yours. You should never attempt to make a deal with a demon as they are experts at working around them to their advantage.” His tale is full of warning and I wish I hadknown this before I made my deal. Even so, I would do it again. This is my only real choice if I want to survive and keep Ella safe.
“As I explained,” he continues, “their magic is addictive and in all cases of demons coming into contact with humans, the human has always ended up dead. I have cared for people who are addicted to demon magic before and it is not pretty.” He shudders, a despondency crossing his features as he is clearly assaulted by memories.
My heart sinks. I might have just made a colossal mistake.
Ten
