“I’m not mothering. I’m girlfriending.”
“Well, stop it.”
His grip was strong as he held me away, trying to steer me to sit on the couch. And any other day, I would have gone. I would have taken his dismissal in silence and not rocked the boat. But I was angry and hurt, and it was mainly because of this distance between us. I hated this thing where I’d stopped talking about what was important to me, and he’d never started.
Seeing that I wasn’t bending to his will, he let me go with a deep sigh. “I’m tired, Ellie. It’s way too early in the morning. What do you want?”
I want you to love me.
Those were the words that I wanted to say. But even now, hurt and aching because of the silence between us, I couldn’t voice them.
And then, suddenly, it hit me.
It was easy as hell for me to stand in my truth when I didn’t give a damn, but hard as hell to stand firm when I was risking something.Just keep quiet, my cowardice whispered.Sit on the couch and let him hold you. You can even tell him all about what happened at work. At least he’ll still be in your life. You can still hold on to a piece of him.
So those were my choices.
I could demand that he listen to me. Odds were strong that he’d react the same way he’d done when I told him I loved him. He’d run. He’d walk out on me or throw me out, and then it would be over. Even if we remained a “couple” until the end of the season, it would be unbearable. We’d end up hating each other.
Or I could sit on the couch and let him comfort me. And we’d go on in the same way we had been, with our eyes closed and hearts protected.
I headed for the couch, because that’s what a coward would do. Until they don’t.
Because when I went to bend my knees, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let my cowardice possibly ruin Jake’s life. Because looking at him this close, I could see the sheen to his eyes and the flush to his skin. He even pulled the couch blanket around him, which meant his fever was climbing.
“Listen to me closely,” I said, my voice low. “You need to get into my car and go to the emergency room with me.”
He frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“If we go now, it’ll be before practice. The team doesn’t need to know about it until you want to tell them.”
He shook his head, his expression incredulous. “What—?”
“You haven’t taken a deep breath since I got here.”
“So? I told you. The bed—”
“How much pain are you in, Jake? How bad does it hurt to breathe?”
He pushed up from the couch. His eyes were cold, his expression hard. “I can breathe just fine. I sure as hell don’t need to go to the ER.”
“I’m telling you as a nurse that you do.” This was it. This was the moment when I stood firm despite the consequences. Despite possibly losing him forever. At this moment, I was not going to take a step back. “Do you trust me, Jake? Do you respect my education? My training?”
“Of course I do—”
“Then listen to me now.” I held out my hand. And while he stared at me in shock, his hand started to raise. He didn’t want to listen to me. I could tell that. But I was determined.
And then Pops came into the room. His eyes were bloodshot, his hands shook, and he was clearly at the bad end of a bender. “What’s all the yammering about? Decent people should be asleep.”
I spoke quickly, trying to head off the argument. “Jake needs to go to the hospital. I’m taking him.”
Pops jerked upright and stared owlishly at his son. “You sick?”
“Ellie thinks so.”
“You don’t look sick.”
“I—”
