“Do you see these hands?” he asked, holding them up to her.
“Aye.”
“Know you they have strangled men? They have wielded daggers into their hearts, swords into their bodies. These are the hands of a killer.”
She took his right hand in hers and stared at him with a compassion that took his breath away. “They have also meted out justice. They have comforted me and Jamie. Protected Simon and Draven.”
What would it take to make her see him as he really was? He couldn’t understand her steadfast refusal to see the truth. “I am a monster.”
“You are a man, Sin. Plain and simple.”
He wanted to believe her, but all he had to do was close his eyes and he could see the men he’d killed. Feel the guilt and pain of his past. He didn’t deserve her kindness.
“What do you want from me?” he asked.
“I want you to be my husband. I want you to stay with me and be father to my children.”
“Why? Because of some stupid oath made before a man Henry bribed?”
“Nay. Because of the way I feel when I look into those dark eyes of yours. Because of the way my heart pounds when I think of you.”
Sin shook his head at her words. He didn’t want the home she spoke of, and the thought of children...
“I will not ever be owned again by anyone, milady. My life is my own and I owe nothing to you nor to Henry nor to anyone else.”
Callie released his hand as his words struck her like blows. It was then she understood why he bore no markings on his shield or surcoat. Nothing owned him and he owned nothing.
“I don’t want to own you, Sin. I want to share your life.”
“Share what? I have nothing to offer you.”
A wave of irritation swept through her. Och, the stubborn oaf.
Suddenly she was tired of trying to make him see her way of thinking. “You know what? So long as you feel that way, you’re right. You go ahead and keep to yourself. Stay up here brooding alone in the dark like some evil beastie who wants to walk the parapets at night, scaring people unto their wit’s end. Wallow in your loneliness and the fact that you are beyond love. Go ahead and spurn me and my feelings. But know this, as long as you persist in this self-deprecation, then you are fulfilling the very doubts you have. No one will ever be able to love you unless you open yourself up to them.”
Sin watched as she left the parapet, her words ringing in his ears.
Love.
He scoffed at the very word. It was a useless emotion. The quest for it had led many a man to his death. Look at his brother Kieran.
And even Ewan. Though Ewan’s body might still be here, his heart and soul were gone. Torn asunder by love.
Sin was a knight of action. A man unto himself. He needed no one. Not now, not ever.
Callie fought against the wave of hopelessness that threatened to overwhelm her as she walked away from Sin, back to her room. Her brother was going to get himself killed and her husband rejected her as if she were poisonous.
Why? What was it with men that they were ever seeking to destroy themselves?
Her father had been the same way. Fighting a hopeless war against an enemy who had never truly harmed him. He had merely wanted the English gone from Scottish soil and had given his life to that cause. And for what?
There was really no way to keep them out. All her father had done was pass on a legacy of suicide to his sons.
“Caledonia?”
She paused at the deep voice behind her and turned to see Lochlan drawing near.
“Are you all right?” Lochlan asked.
