“It was mine. I didn’t think you’d want to suffer the humiliation of Henry’s physicians examining you and finding you virgin so I opened up one of the cuts on my arms and used the blood to shield you.”
The full depth of his loneliness slammed into her. Dear saints, he had never been intimate even on the most basic level with another person.
It was unheard of for a man of his stature and prowess to remain untouched.
“I can’t believe you haven’t-”
“What kind of craven bastard do you think I am?” he asked, his eyes angry. “After all I have been through in my life, think you I would ever take a chance on leaving behind a child of mine to a woman who would hate it because of my actions? I would sooner have died virgin than learn a child of mine was in this world suffering because I was a selfish ass who couldn’t control myself.”
And yet he had taken a chance with her. After tonight, it was quite possible that she could have his child inside her. Which meant that he trusted her, at least on some level.
Touched by his words, she pulled him into her arms.
Sin held her close and hoped in his heart that he was sterile. He hoped there would be no issue from this night. He couldn’t stand the thought of a child being born to the hardship and heartaches of this world.
He should never have touched her. It was wrong and he wished the arrow that afternoon had pierced his heart. He should have let her family defeat him and returned to England.
He should have done anything other than make love to her.
And yet even as the thoughts whirled through his mind, he looked into her angelic face and saw what he had waited a lifetime for.
All he had to do was find the courage to take it.
To his chagrin, he who had stood strong and alone all his life, was now a coward who was terrified of a mere woman. Because she did scare him. She and these unknown feelings inside him. When he looked at her all those long-buried dreams surfaced and made him wish for things he had no right to wish for. Home. Family....love.
“Be grateful for what you have, boy. All bastards like you are fit for is wiping the asses of your betters.” Harold’s angry voice tore through him.
Unable to breathe, he reluctantly withdrew from her, got up and dressed.
“Sin?”
The sound of her voice sliced through him. He paused at the door torn between the need inside him to return to bed and take her into his arms and hold her forever, and the fear of her eventual rejection that made him want to bolt like a frightened animal.
For the first time in his life, he chose retreat. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
With no direction, Sin headed down to the great hall where he found his brother Ewan still sitting at the table, drinking ale alone.
“What are you doing still awake?” Sin asked as he took the vacant seat next to his brother.
Ewan drained the cup and poured more. “I’m not dead with exhaustion yet. You?”
“Same.”
Sin grabbed a cup and poured it full.
Ewan grunted at him as Sin downed the contents in one gulp. “What a pair we make, eh?”
Sin poured another goblet full. “How so?”
“Both of us tormented by our pasts.”
Sin fell silent as more memories surged. He knew the guilt and pain of his brother. Knew how much the past wore on Ewan’s battered conscience. “Thinking of Kieran tonight?”
Ewan nodded. “Every night. His face haunts me each time I try to sleep.”
“Aye, I well understand. I see the men I’ve killed.” He took another swig of ale. “I never knew most of their names.”
“That would be easier than knowing you killed your own brother.”
