I slept, not well, for almost four hours. That’s a record this week. I have a feeling I’ll crash soon, and crash hard, but there’s no time for that now. Now is for the lab. Now is for finishing what I couldn’t even start last night.
I pin my hair into a low bun, throw my cleanest cardigan onover last night’s clothes. This is as good as it gets today. Haven will have a fit when she sees me. When it comes to securing people’s trust, she says, presentation is half the battle. I never argue, and I don’t disagree—I simply prefer to focus on the other half of that battle, the part that could actually keep us alive.
It takes ten minutes to get to the lab from my cabin. That’s on a good day, when it’s seven-morning and the station is still and quiet. Today is not a good day. Despite the pleasant-but-focused face I put on, despite keeping my eyes fixed at a neutral point ahead of me, I barely make it out of my own residential wing before someone stops me. Siena Lawson, this time.
“Hi, um... Commander?” She’s fourteen, a rule-follower to a fault, and I’ve told her three times to call me Lindley. Haven referred to me as Commander Hamilton one time in an announcement, and it was the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. The gift keeps on giving.
“Commander was my mother. You know you don’t have to call me that, right?” I loved my mother. I don’t love talking about her. “Need something?”
Siena shrinks back, just a little. She won’t meet my eyes. “Sorry, Com—Lindley. I’m sorry.”
“What’s going on?” I attempt to soften my tone so I’m not so intimidating, try to pretend my mind isn’t running full speed toward the lab. I’m not very good at pretending.
“It’s Yuki and Grace,” she says. “I... can’t find them.” The three of them are inseparable. I’ve learned more about station life these past few weeks than I ever cared to know. This recentshift—paying close attention like I never have before, learning everything I can about everyone—all of it makes me feel a bit like someone looking in. Like I’m not quite one of them anymore, now that I’ve stepped into the role of commander.
“You’ve checked their cabins?” I ask. “You’re sure they aren’t sleeping?” I take a deep breath to quell my simmering annoyance.
Her cheeks flame. “We were all together last night,” she says. “At Mikko’s.”
Siena Lawson is not a stupid girl. “Walk with me,” I say. This could take all morning—I don’t have all morning. I put a call through to Heath. He picks up immediately, like always, unfailingly reliable.
“Meet me in the lab,” I tell him. “I’ve got a project for you.”
Heath agrees, even offers to bring me some tea. I need it.
“We weren’t doing anything, I swear,” Siena says when I’m off the call. “Just a few drinks, and then we passed out.”
“Just a few drinks,” I repeat.A few drinksisn’t like her.Onedrink isn’t like her.
“Iswear.”
She shouldn’t be drinking at all, but I don’t say that. I’m not her mother—she doesn’t have one anymore, none of them do. That’s the problem. “You need to be careful with Mikko, Siena. Turn here,” I say. “He’s not himself these days. He didn’t try to take advantage, did he?”
She’s quiet, too quiet. “He didn’t have to,” she finally says. “Grace started it.”
Right. Excellent. “And now you can’t find her? Was anyone else there?”
“Just a couple of other guys, with Yuki and me,” she says. “Dash and Reed.”
Dash and Reed are good guys. Mikko’s always been a quality kid, too, but he’s made some terrible decisions lately.
All of us grieve a little differently, I guess.
Heath meets us at the lab, as promised. He smells fresh, just-out-of-the-shower fresh, and his not-quite-dry hair looks darker than its usual sandy blond. Did he cut his shower short just to answer my call?
“Wait here,” I tell Siena. “He’ll be right back for you, okay?” The old rules restricted under-eighteens from entering the lab without adult supervision, but I make the rules now. And right now, I want two minutes alone with Heath.
I enter the code, and the door slides open. Heath and I slip inside quickly, before it closes. Dr. Safran helped me memorize every code he had access to in the days before he passed. It’s good he did—only a couple of others thought to share their intel, to Zesi and Natalin. Their knowledge keeps us alive.
“Thanks for this,” I say, taking the tea. It’s too hot to drink, so I set it on the first island I see.
When I turn around, Heath isrightthere. His eyes—his lips—soft on mine—
I push him off. “Heath—what?!” I brush the kiss away with the back of my hand, catch my breath. “What was that?”
We haven’t, we’ve never... this is not what I meant bytwo minutes alone with Heath.
A curse falls out of him. “I’m sorry, Lindley, I thought—”
