“Josh Strauss.” Her body tenses when I say his name. “Was it him, or just his party?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Now who’s lying?”
“You of all people don’t get to ask me about those things.”
“Why, me, of all people?”
She ignores me reaching for the door handle and I lock the doors. “Damnit Kendall why not me?”
Anger fills her eyes. “Because the only thing that bringing up the past will do is change the way you look at me.”
“It will not change?—”
“You’re wrong, it will!” Her voice rises. “It already has and you can’t even see it. You’ve acted strange all night, pacing like I didn’t notice. It changes everything.”
“You were fourteen and you were fucking scared and had no one and didn’t know what to do! Because you lost something that night and you refuse to let anyone ever get close enough to take anything from you again. Am I right?”
“I don’t want to do this.” There is a sadness in her voice that cracks open and I place my hand on her thigh. It’s the first time she’s even flinched when I’ve touched her and I swear my heart snaps in half.
“Talk to me,” I urge her to let go, to let me completely in. “Nothing about that night was your fault.”
“Stop.” She squares her shoulders regrouping and finding the inner strength that had slipped on a few minutes ago.
“Babe.” I scoot closer and she hits the unlock and yanks the handle pushing open the door. “This ends here!”
She is out of my truck before I can stop her and walking off toward the front entrance of the bar. I may as well have started from scratch with her because that place we had found, the one of comfort, I know has been buried.
I know I’ve pushed her away and I’m not so sure I can get her back.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Kendall
“Should I ask?”Jillian says at my side and I down another shot.
“You can ask, but I won’t answer. I’m done with questions, done with answers, done with it all.”
“Kendall.” I flinch when Aaron places his hand on my hip. “Will you stop flinching when I touch you? Jesus Kendall it’s me.” I spin around to face him.
“Yeah you, the guy that got me right where he wanted me, waiting for my defenses to be down so he could move in and tear me down. Just like men do, chip away until there is nothing left.”
“That’s not fair,” he says.
“What’s not fair is that you pushed until I let you in and now all I want to do is go back to the point when I held you at arm’s length. I want to go back to before you and I ever happenedwhen I could have meaningless sex with whomever I decided to and then never look back.”
His eyes darken.
“You changed things.”
“That’s not a bad thing.”
“It is the worst thing,” I say, pushing his hand away. “I told you it was a matter of time til you referred to me as a bitch and now here we are.”
“Never called you a bitch,” he tells me. This is the fork in the road, where I can choose to go left or right. I get the chance to choose the good or the bad, the sun or the darkness.
“By the end of tonight you will.” I toss the last shot back and walk toward the dance floor losing myself in the crowd.
