‘I get that.’
‘You do?’
‘I felt the same when Bo was born. Like, being a father… what the fudge?’ He gave a little laugh. ‘It was like, Ihavea dad. I’m not supposed tobeone.’
She smiled. ‘Exactly.’
‘It’s like you suddenly realise what an idiot you are, what an idiot you’ve beenallowedto be your whole life up to that point, and now you have to grow up in a second and be one of those adults you see around the place, telling people to put their jumper on and asking them if they need a wee.’
Lou laughed. She was so relieved that he understood. ‘The joy was overwhelming. But then the fear of losing him kicked in immediately and it was overwhelming too. It didn’t wipe out the happiness, but it was right there alongside it – equal and opposite. When you have something so precious, that you love so much…’ She shook her head. ‘I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to hold onto it.’
‘I’ve seen chefs react the same way to getting Michelin stars.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah. I was working at a hotel restaurant in Kent when they got their first star, and they were happy for about five minutes before the anxiety about retaining it kicked in.’
‘Yeah, I get that.’
They were silent for a moment.
‘So let me get this straight,’ Aidan said in a teasing tone. ‘Are you saying I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you… you know… boyfriend-wise?’ He smiled cheekily.
Lou laughed softly. ‘Maybe.’ It was scary to admit it, even passing it off as a joke.
‘Well, ditto,’ he said softly.
Lou’s breath hitched as their eyes locked and her heart raced.
‘But you know, boyfriends are much easier than babies.’
‘Are you sure about that? It’s not been my experience.’
He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. ‘You have to pick the right one, of course. But I can largely look after myself. I sleep right through the night whenever I get the chance – unless there’s something even better on offer,’ he added with a twinkle in his eye. ‘I can make my own breakfast.’
‘And mine! Bonus.’
‘Exactly. Show me a baby who can do that.’
Lou laughed. ‘Okay. Sold.’
‘Plus I’m pretty unbreakable,’ he said softly, taking her hand, his thumb rubbing over the back of it. ‘So you don’t have to worry about screwing up with me. I’m completely self-sufficient.’
‘Hmm, I can think of one thing where you might need my help.’
Aidan grinned. ‘Yeah, but even that’s more a luxury than a necessity.’
‘Speak for yourself. I may not stick around if there aren’t regular repeat performances.’
‘Not too regular, though. You don’t want it to become routine too soon and lose the magic.’
‘Is that what happened with you and Astrid?’
‘Nah.’ Aidan sighed, looking thoughtful. ‘They say you can see the end in the beginning, don’t they? One of the things that attracted me to Astrid in the first place was that she was so free spirited. She was spontaneous and impulsive, and always open to new experiences. You never knew what was going to happen with her – it was exciting to be around.’
‘Ah!’
‘Then she spirited herself out of here. Plus she made the inconvenient discovery that she wasn’t the maternal type.’
