‘God, moving’s exhausting.’ Lou sighed, sinking back into the couch cushions gratefully. It wasn’t just the physical move of the past couple of days – there was so much planning and organising and paperwork involved in setting up life in a new place.
‘Yeah, you must be pooped. But it’s all worth it now, right?’
Lou smiled, nodding. ‘Definitely.’ It had been a busy month of admin and packing, and there was still a lot to do, but nothing that couldn’t wait. The cottage was clean and cosy, the cupboards were full of food, and it felt good to be settled. ‘And I promise you next time you come, I won’t put you to manual labour.’
‘I’ll look forward to it.’ Karen looked around the room. ‘It’s a great house, Lou. I think you’re both going to very happy here.’
‘Me too. I still can’t believe it’s ours.’
‘Good old Noreen, eh?’
Lou toyed with the stem of her glass. ‘And Dad,’ she said quietly.
‘Yeah, poor Tom. He came through for you in the end, didn’t he?’
‘He did. I feel kind of guilty about that.’
‘Why?’
Lou shrugged. ‘I was so dismissive when he told me he was leaving everything to Jack. I thought he was just playing the big man. If I’d known he’d end up leaving him this…’
‘But you couldn’t have known. He probably didn’t even know himself, did he?’
‘I doubt it. I never heard him mention Noreen. She’s no relation, so I don’t know how she ended up being his godmother– some family friend, I suppose. But as far as I know he wasn’t in touch with her.’
‘Anyway, the bottom line is, he wanted Jack taken care of and that’s what he achieved – whether knowingly or not.’
‘Yeah. I just wish I’d… I don’t know… believed in him more or at least pretended to.’
When her father had told her he was changing his will and leaving ‘everything’ to Jack, it had been all Lou could do not to roll her eyes. Instead, she’d just told him offhandedly that that was fine with her; it was his will and he could do whatever he wanted with it. As far as she was concerned, he was just being grandiose and he had nothing to leave anyone but some gambling debts and a mountain of empties to take to recycling. Or perhaps he really believed he’d have made his millions by the time he died. He’d always thought the next horse he bet on or lottery ticket he bought would be his big win.
She knew he hadn’t done it to hurt her. He’d made the reasoning behind his decision clear. ‘It’s not about you, Lou. But I don’t trust that chancer Rob as far as I could throw him and I don’t want him getting his hands on anything that should be yours and Jack’s.’ Lou was with him on that score, at least. Her father had never liked Rob. He thought he was bad news – feckless, profligate and irresponsible. In the first flush of love, Lou had resented his attitude, thinking it was a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black and her father had no right to cast the first stone on any of those counts. But it turned out he’d been a better judge of character than her. Maybe it was a case of ‘takes one to know one’. She should have paid more heed to him.
‘I could have tried harder with him.’ She sighed. ‘I don’t know. You were nicer to him than I was most of the time.’ Karen had had far more patience with him than Lou had ever had. She’d helped him with his medical care sometimes in her kind,capable way, and he’d been very fond of her. ‘You were great with him.’
‘It’s a lot easier when it’s not your own family. And I know how exasperating he could be. He wasn’t a bad man, but he let you down a lot, Lou.’
It was true he hadn’t been a great father, but he’d tried. There had been countless fresh starts and new beginnings, but they always seemed to end the same way – with him back in hospital drying out and Lou back in care. She’d been angry and resentful in her teens, but she’d become hardened to it over the years and stopped expecting anything from him. When she’d left school and was beyond the reach of social services, their roles had reversed and she’d become the caretaker. She’d had to start working as soon as she left school so she could save up for catering college while providing for them both.
Lou liked to think she’d softened towards him in his latter years and been more forgiving. She was glad he’d lived long enough to see his grandson born. He’d adored Jack and had lit up around him in a way Lou had never seen before. Maybe if he’d lived longer, being a grandparent to Jack would have been enough to make him turn things around, and the next new beginning would have stuck. But he’d died when Jack was less than eighteen months old.
‘You took good care of him. You’ve nothing to reproach yourself for, Lou. You did your best by him.’
‘Yeah.’ And she understood now that he’d done his best by her. It was just a pity it was too late to tell him that.
Karen packed up her van after breakfast the next morning. She was heading into a week of night shifts and she wanted to get onthe road before the traffic got too bad with weekenders making their way back to Dublin.
She and Jack hugged each other fiercely as they said goodbye. He loved Karen as much as Lou did. He’d known her his whole life and she was like one of their family. Tears sprang to Lou’s eyes as she waved her friend off, and she had a moment of feeling utterly lost and adrift as she watched the van disappear around the corner. Now it was just her and Jack in their brand-new life.
At least she had plenty to distract her. She’d bought more cleaning supplies in the supermarket yesterday, so she pulled on rubber gloves and got stuck into cleaning while Jack watched cartoons. It needed to be done anyway, and it was a useful distraction from her sudden low mood. It was exhausting work and the more she did, the more she saw needed to be done. Still, she tried not to feel defeated. Rome wasn’t built in a day. She could make the place nice. It would just take time.
She could sense Jack getting restless as another episode ofSpongeBob SquarePantscame to an end, and she decided she’d done enough scrubbing for one day. She felt like she was getting nowhere and it occurred to her that she didn’t have to wait until tomorrow to start looking for a job. She looked at her watch. No time like the present. She could call into Coast and get that out of the way at least. Then, if she struck out there, she could start the job search in earnest on Monday. At least she’d feel she was doing something positive towards establishing their life here. Besides, an outing would cheer them both up.
