‘No beds, remember? It was a camping trip.’
‘Well, sleeping-bag hopping, then? You really expect me to believe you kept to your own little tent the whole time?’
‘Of course I did,’ Kate replied, grinning guiltily.
‘You didn’t open your flap toanyone?’
‘Well,’ she said, ‘therewasthis Australian guy who joined the trip in Nairobi.’
‘That’s more like it.’ Freddie refilled their glasses. ‘Tell me more – fit or flabby?’
‘Oh, fit. Definitely fit.’
‘Smooth or hairy?’
‘Smooth.’
‘Mmm – I like him already. Circumcised or un?’
‘Un.’ Kate wrinkled her nose.
‘Oh well, can’t have everything, I suppose. Big or puny?’
Kate smiled smugly. ‘Not so muchbigas?—’
‘Humungous?!’
‘Like if the Grand Canyon needed a shag, he’d be the man to fill it.’
‘Oh my God!’
* * *
Tom McAuley was waking up, or coming round from a coma – he wasn’t sure which. Sensation was creeping back into his body. His mouth felt numb and furry, and everything hurt. Everything he could feel, that was. He concentrated hard, trying to figure out where he was, what day it was, and what was wrong with him. Perhaps he’d been in an accident. Maybe he was in hospital. He opened his eyes a fraction and the sharp stab of pain from the blinding light seemed to confirm his suspicions.
Something nudged his leg. ‘Do you suppose he’s still alive?’ a voice said from very far away.
‘Dunno… try giving him a kick,’ said another voice.
If these were doctors, Tom thought, their bedside manner left a lot to be desired. He struggled to open his eyes, thinking he’d better show signs of life in case he was about to be consigned to the morgue. He almost passed out again from the pain but managed to keep his eyes open long enough to see his best friends, Will Sargent and Lorcan O’Neill, towering over him.
Well, if I’m dead I’m definitely not in heaven,he thought. Those two would never make it there.
He closed his eyes again, trying to regain oblivion. Consciousness wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. But something in the back of his mind wouldn’t quite let go, something he felt was important… something he needed to remember.
‘Hey, Tom!’ Will clapped his hands close to Tom’s ear. ‘Come on, wake up – it’s D Day.’
D Day?Tom thought fuzzily. He concentrated hard. The last thing he could remember was rolling up to Will’s sprawling Dalkey mansion for his… STAG NIGHT!
‘Jesus!’ He shot up, eyes open wide now. His head spun and he thought he was going to throw up.
‘I think he’s awake.’ Will’s deep voice was tinged with amusement.
‘Wh— what day is it? What time is it? What happened?’
‘Today is Saturday, the first of July.’ Will spoke slowly and carefully, as though he were talking to a child. ‘Your wedding day, sunshine. The time is nine o’clock – T minus five hours. As for what happened, well, where would you like me to start?’
Tom looked around the room for clues, but there were none. He was lying on the couch in Will’s living room, but there were no signs of a party. It seemed everything had been cleared up but him.
