And though Bear Valley is hundreds of miles away, I can’t help imagining there’s some kind of connection between there and here. That Cory will sprint through a pair of trees and appear just outside my backyard.
That’s why I’m here, in front of my security keypad, checking for the sixth time that the thing is turned on. It is, attempting to soothe me with its declaration ofARMED. The glow from its little screen is the only bit of light in my house. I want to stay in the safety of its glow.
With stiff, scared movements, I walk to my bedroom and snatch the pillow off my bed. I return to the hallway, my feet hurrying. Opening the coat closet, I pull out my sleeping bag. My movements are efficient as I set up the temporary bed underneath the safety system.
But before I lie down, I grab one more item.
My bat.
Only with the piece of sporting equipment gripped in my hand do I feel capable of sliding into my makeshift bedding.
Why is tonight worse than last month?The question whimpers through my mind.
As I work to steady my breathing, the answer comes to me.
I don’t know what the morning will bring.
It won’t be like with Cory, I try to reason. To comfort myself.Roderick is different.
The problem is, my mind is already careening back into the past.
Tears stream down my face as I clutch the bat to my chest, as if it could defend me from my own memories.
44
JULIET
When the sun comes up,my anxiety doesn’t dissipate.
The morning after a full-moon run means a wolf’s blood is up. What will Roderick do?
You’ve already seen him the morning after a full moon, and it was fine.
But he didn’t have a claim on me then.
Now that we’re together, he might think he has the right to do whatever he wants. Use me how he wants.
That’s what Cory thought.
Part of me wants to lock every entry into my house, keep the alarm on, and hide in a closet until tomorrow comes. Maybe by then, I’ll have more trust in the Pine Falls pack leader.
But I’m not so cowardly as all that.
Besides, staying here, waiting, is only making things worse. I need to release this excess energy in a productive way.
My wild gaze lands on a pair of tennis shoes by the front door.
Could I try again? Could I reclaim what once was mine?
Yes, I decide.He doesn’t get to keep this from me.
After pulling on a pair of fleece-lined leggings and a loose sweatshirt, I tie up my shoelaces and head out into the frigid morning. At first, the chill sets off an ache in my bones. But then I start running. Soon after I pass Hester’s house, my heart is pumping hard, and my pulse pushes warm blood through my veins.
My feet eat up the pavement, and I turn down the road to take me out of town rather than into it.
I can go as far as I want, fucker. Just try and stop me.
This distance and direction are better anyway. I don’t want to see people. Don’t want to be forced to interact with anyone.
