“You … okay … I’m just …” Just going to let that cop car comment go as I try to wrap my head around anyonein the mythical-creature world getting mental health care. I’ve considered trying to find help for myself since settling in Pine Falls, but how could I talk about my toxic relationship with Cory without also mentioning—even if I was trying my best not to—the fact that he was a werewolf? And when I did eventually let that fact slip, would the therapist think, in addition to whatever anxiety and PTSD I was dealing with, there might also be psychotic issues?
Having a professional tell me that Cory changing into a wolf is a hallucination would not help with my trust and safety issues.
I couldn’t fathom being emotionally vulnerable enough to work on myself while also actively trying to hide important facts about my abuser.
Unwillingness to open up seems to be one of my issues on all fronts.
Only the problem with Roderick is that I’ve actively triednotto be emotionally vulnerable with him because the last man I let close used every one of my weaknesses to torture me.
“How do you talk about your life,” I ask carefully, “without telling them you’re a werewolf?”
“Oh, she knows.” Tanya waves a dismissive hand like this isn’t an earth-shattering fact for me. “Dr. Amy is human, but her partner is pack.”
A worker in the food truck calls out a number, and the teenager pops over to grab our food, leaving me shell-shocked with this potentially life-changing info.
There’s a human therapist who knows about werewolves.
Could she help me with my panic attacks?
Maybe my fear of intimacy?
Could she help me work through the trauma of my past and keep me from hurting Roderick during the process?
Even if the answer ismaybe, I’m willing to try. More than that, Ineedto try. Because if I let what Cory did to me infectall my future happiness, then my ex really will have claimed my entire life.
And I refuse to let that happen.
“Hey, Tanya,” I start as I help her get our food settled on the table. “Could you give me Dr. Amy’s contact info?”
She texts it to me without question, and the string of digits feels like a lifeline.
Over a deliciously tart drink and a plate full of cheesy chips, Tanya dives into all the ways having to analyzeThe Scarlet Letterconfuses her. As I break down the story and different avenues for writing an essay about the book, I enjoy the distraction from the problems in my life.
“Is Isaac writing a paper too?” I ask when Tanya takes a break from drafting new ideas to eat and sip her nonalcoholic cocktail.
She shakes her head. “He tested out, the nerd. And I could technically ask him for help, but like every time one of my brothers tells me to do something, I want to give them a swirly, you know?” Her grin is a touch wild. But then she rolls her eyes. “Never mind. You probably think Roderick’s so charming or whatever.”
The distraction I’ve clung to while helping Thad, then Tanya evaporates when she mentions her older brother’s name. He must not have told her how I took a wrecking ball to our fragile beginning.
Only I don’t feel like I’m the only one tainted by my past. Yes, I lashed out when he mentioned mating, but Roderick came back at the same level. It’s like we’re trying to intertwine with each other, but instead, we just collide and shatter into pieces on impact.
Tanya slides off her seat to trot over to the truck for another margarita while I try to sort through the muddle of emotions in my brain.
After talking with Hester, I think I have a better handle on my over-the-top reaction, but I can’t help thinking our fight partly arose from whatever issue had had Roderick acting cold toward me in the first place.
“Gods, what is it with outsiders?”
When Tanya sits back down, I ask the question that’s been itching the back of my mind.
“Hey, did outsiders do something to the Pine Falls pack?” I ask.
The young werewolf licks some salt off the rim of her glass before answering, “Well, people from outside this town have screwed our family over multiple times. Plus, Roderick got shot by some.”
“What?” My whisper is low and horrified.
“You didn’t know?”
I shake my head.
