If that’s the case, then I might need to rethink some of Roderick’s behavior toward me. If it wasn’t born from his dislike for my species, then it has to be something else.
“Courtney?” I settle on the thick wooden bench at her kitchen table as she pulls a lasagna out of the fridge. “Do you have any idea why Roderick might not like me?”
The wolf turns a dial to preheat her oven before facing me. “He told you he doesn’t like you?”
I shrug. “Not in those exact words, but whenever we talk, he inevitably asks when I’m leaving town. And when he found out I knew about wolves, he accused me of hiding things.”
No need to mention the fact that Iamhiding things. Like my real name.
Courtney considers my question as she sets a pair of wineglasses on the table and fills them with a generous portion of cabernet. The rich scent is soothing, and I realize this is the first time I’ve simply had dinner at a friend’s house. In college, I ate in dining halls and cheap takeout places with people frommy classes and the few guys I dated. When I traveled, I’d share the occasional campfire with others, but I mostly ate on my own. In Bear Valley, Cory didn’t like me spending time with people unless he was there too.
The closest I’ve had to this was my campout with Zoey. I swallow past a grateful lump in my throat at the realization that I’m truly building a life and friendships here.
“He’s had some issues with people not from around here. And that was right around the time he became pack leader. My guess is, he’s projecting from past experiences.” She hands me my glass before turning to slide the lasagna into the warm oven. “I’ve known him since we were kids, and he’s always had a stick firmly lodged up that tight ass of his.” She grins over her shoulder, and I find myself smiling in return. “He’s a good leader though. Fair. But maybe he hasn’t been that way with you.”
“Yeah,” I murmur. Although I think I’m beginning to see.
Iama threat.
If the Bear Valley pack were to ever discover this is my hideout, there might be discord between the packs. I don’t think they’re likely to discover me, which is the whole reason I chose this place, but still. One could argue I have put people at risk by moving to town.
Just because I don’t want anyone to be in danger doesn’t automatically make it so.
Maybe, just maybe, Roderick hasn’t been completely unjustified in his coldness toward me.
Damn. Does this mean I need to apologize?
21
RODERICK
My eyesache as I continue to stare at my computer screen, trying to focus on the order form in front of me. This back-end part of my job is not what I enjoy. I want to be out of my office, picking apart wires, figuring out what makes things tick.
But I need supplies to do that.
The open window lets in some fresh air, but even that taunts me with the fact that I have to stay inside my office.
Still, my mild irritation with the less appealing parts of being an electrician pale in comparison to the shitty side to being a pack alpha.
I exiled my own mother.
Guilt gnaws at my gut.
It was the right thing to do.
I still believe that, even days later. There’s no doubt clinging to my decision. But that doesn’t change the fact that I wish anyone else could have been the one to enforce it.
At the same time, there’s no one else I’d feel comfortable passing this burden of responsibility to.
I rub my hands over my face in a rough gesture that has my beard growth scraping along my palms. That sensation is one more reminder of how off I feel. Normally, I keep both my face and my head cleanly shaved.
Maybe after so long, this job is finally getting to me. Maybe I’m not getting better at caring for the wolves of Pine Falls.
Maybe resentment has started to creep in.
This role has defined my entire adult life. Has demanded my unquestioning commitment. Has required me to put all the needs of those in my care above my own wants and needs.
On top of that, I got magically assigned this job while still grieving my father.
