And at that moment, I tug my lunch box zipper so hard that it tears, and all my delicious food spills onto the ground.
“No,” I moan.
The lid on my apple container, not sealed right, pops off, launching fruit across the grass. My sandwich does a sad flop out of its bag. And my cookies sit in a depressing mess in the dirt. The only thing that survived is a bag of chips.
I fight against the sudden urge to cry, knowing I’ll spend the rest of my day hungry.
“Juliet—”
“I can’t dance in front of you!” I shout, tired of his pushing and combative from hunger.
Belatedly, I realize Roderick is at my side. He crouches on the ground, collecting my spilled food.
“What does that mean?” He hands me the sealed bag of chips. “You can’t dance in front of me?”
“Forget it.” I shouldn’t have said that. “I told you it wouldn’t make sense.”
“Try explaining.” His words are soft, almost coaxing.
My thoughts skip back to the last full moon here, in Pine Falls. The night brought on so much fear, but when I turned up the music and started moving, I was able to forget everything. When I dance, I can fully relax. I’m truly vulnerable.
Because I know without a doubt that my dancing is bad.
And I’ve busted out my terrible dancing only one night for years. Because I only had that one night out of every month in Bear Valley. Every other day, Cory was around. And I learned never to be vulnerable where he could see.
My nerves rubbed raw from the mere memory of my ex, I start to pace.
But still, I try to find the words.
“Is there anything you like to do that you’re bad at?” I ask.
Roderick frowns. “Why would I enjoy being bad at something?”
Of course. Mr. Tall, Strong, Handsome Alpha would never waste his time on activities where he can’t excel. Even his baking is elite.
“That’s not …” I sigh. “Never mind.”
“No. Explain.”
His command grates on my nerves, but I get the sense he’ll keep pushing if I don’t.
“It’s about vulnerability, Roderick. You’re an attractive guy. I am attracted to you. But I’ve been in a relationship built solely on attraction, and I ended up in hell. Attraction isn’t comfort. It isn’t safety.” I stop to face him, making sure I meet his stony eyes. “It isn’t enough. And I am never going to be in a relationship where I’m scared. I won’t even give it a date. Never again.”
Roderick’s gaze burns into mine. “Tell me his name.”
And start a war between packs because Roderick has a hero complex? Fuck that.
“No,” I snap. “Stop asking.”
A muscle in his jaw tics, but then he smooths his expression once more.
“Your panic attack. Wasn’t that vulnerable?”
I don’t want to remember that, how I was shaking and terrified in my kitchen. How he saw every moment of me at my weakest.
“Yes …” I hedge. “But not intentionally.”
“I didn’t hurt you then.”
