Chapter 13
The ambiance of the beach was a balm to Lena's nerves. Gentle waves lapping in the surf, the ocean breeze so full of salt she could taste it, the warm sand between her toes—all of it calmed her and invigorated her at the same time.
She smiled when he pointed out the two light-blue Adirondack chairs. "A perfect spot," she said.
His gaze mingled with hers a moment longer than necessary. Unbidden, breath-snatching, fluttering chaos was taking place in her chest. And it needed to stop.
She focused on the chairs and picked up her pace. If they sat and watched the ocean, they could casually enjoy each other's company, and she wouldn't have to look at him. Much safer plan than staring into his blue-gray eyes.
Focus on the ocean, girl. Not the godly, handsome protector. He's just doinghis job. Nothing more.
They settled in the chairs and she shoved her toes into the sand, purposefully keeping her focus on the waves. He sat next to her, his Adirondack chair inches from hers. In her peripheral vision, she watched him lean back and shove his feet into the sand. It was the most relaxed she'd ever seen him. And now she was looking at him again.
"Not a bad way to kill a few minutes," he said.
"Not at all." She had to agree with that.
Two minutes of blissful, comfortable silence floated between them, the ocean's rhythm gradually dismantling her anxiety.
"I'm impressed with the courage you had to come out here looking for Cassidy," Nash said.
And just like that, his words popped her bubble of serenity, provoking guilt and shame. Frustration licked her insides.
"I'm not brave. I'm not courageous. I haven't had the backbone to do the right thing for a long time. Don't say that about me."
He sat up so quickly it jerked her attention to his eyes.
"Whoa," he said. "I didn't mean to upset you. It was a compliment. Despite what you're telling yourself, it was a brave thing to come looking for Cassidy. Your cousin isin an unsafe situation, and you traveled all the way to the Caribbean to protect her. I'm just saying I admire that."
She shrank a little, embarrassed by her outburst. She could have just accepted his compliment and kept staring at the ocean. But no, she opened her mouth. Awkwardness chafed between them.
Way to go, Lena.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I haven't slept well and—"
"I know you're referring to the situation with your family. I'm sorry if I struck a nerve. That wasn't my intention."
"I know you didn't. It's just . . . I don't deserve your compliments. I thought about this a lot last night. I couldn't sleep after . . . well, after everything that happened. I do care about Cassidy. But I didn't come out here on some kind of selfless crusade, only thinking of Cassidy's well-being. I think my main motivation for rushing after Cassidy was feeling terrified of being alone. Cassidy's the only member of my family I trust right now. She's really my only friend. When she took off, I wasn't just lonely. I was scared. I was afraid to be alone."
She rubbed her upper arms, suddenly feeling chilled. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to unload that on you. I shouldsave it for the therapy appointment I need to make. Anyway, I just want you to stop crediting me with a selfless act."
A need for clarity compelled her to lean forward. "I'm still going to find Cassidy though. Whether I came for selfish reasons or not, I do care about her, and I won't leave here without her."
That mountain of quiet strength stared at her with emotions simmering in his gaze she didn't understand. He whispered, "I know."
A pelican swooped, skimmed the water, then rose to the sky again. The motion snatched their attention. Watching the pelican fly off, she leaned back in her chair and refocused on the ocean. Maybe they could just pretend her emotional outburst hadn't sullied their tranquil beach escape. She tried to think of something casual to say as the silence bloomed between them.
But Nash spoke first. "You're never really alone, you know."
"You don't have to . . . Let's just forget it." She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt and turned her focus to the horizon.
She felt his eyes on her.
He reached over, squeezed her hand, then let go. "We're never really alone. God doesn't leave you, Lena. I'm no theologian, but I know that much. He's with you. He doesn't leave."
She nodded, hoping that was enough of an answer because her throat was too thick to trust with words.
Silence settled between them again. She watched the waves and spotted three dolphins leaping in the distance. And more pelicans. And a sailboat. The view was amazing.
