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“You were in a bad place. It was the wrong time for you to go to Arlen,” Brooke says.
“I know. I was so tired of acting strong and okay with the news that I was not pregnant.”
“Why didn’t you talk to Declan? He’s been fantastic so far from what you’ve told me,” Brooke says.
“I didn’t want to show him that side of me. What if he got impatient with me?”
“But you don’t know that, Marian. Give him a chance,” Brooke says. “It’s not fair to prosecute and judge him based on your own mistrust.”
“I know.” I’m miserable and disappointed with myself.
“Okay, that’s Declan. How about me? I’m sorry, but I’m going to scold you. I can’t believe you’d keep such momentous news from me,” Brooke says. “You’re my sister, Marian.”
Tears spring into my eyes. “I don’t know why I’ve been so fucked up in the last couple of weeks, but I’m going to change. I’m really, really sorry. I love you and Jason; you know that.”
“And we love you, and we want to be there for you always,” Brooke says.
I inhale deeply. “I didn’t want to bother you because of the baby,” I say softly.
“I thought that was the real reason,” Brooke says. “Unnecessary, and don’t think that I don’t understand how hard this is for you. Me being pregnant and you wanting to and it’s not happening.” She places her hand on mine. “It will happen. For real next time.”
“Thanks, Brooke,” I say.
“I did some research for you and found this wonderful therapist,” Brooke says, careful with every word. “What do you think?”
I’m silent for a moment. “Honestly, I’m okay now.”
“If you feel you need her—” Brooke says.
“I promise, I’ll see her if I go there again,” I say.
She smiles. “Okay.”
We talk about her baby a little. It doesn’t make me feel bad that Brooke is pregnant and I’m not. Our situations are vastly different, and besides, she got pregnant way before I did.
I’m dreading going home and having to face Declan, but he texts me at three in the afternoon, saying he’s home, and I’ve no choice but to leave.
“Will you tell him?” Brooke asks me as she walks me to the car.
“I can’t,” I tell her. “He’ll worry every time I have to go to Arlen.” That’s not the real reason. I can’t bear to expose myself like that to Declan.
I don’t want him to see how weak I am.
“That’s part of building trust in a relationship, Marian,” Brooke says. “You have to let him in if the marriage is to work.”
It’s easy for Brooke to say that. It’s different for her and Jason. Declan and I are practically married strangers. I conveniently forget that Brooke was in an almost similar situation as I am.
She and Jason were shoved together by tragedy, and even though her brother and Jason were friends, she didn’t really know him.
“I’ll see,” I say vaguely, having no intention whatsoever of telling Declan how close I came to fucking up my life.
“Bye,” she calls as I drive off.
I’ll push the whole sorry episode to the back of my mind and continue with my life. People do stupid things at least once in their lives. This one is mine.
I inhale deeply as I get off onto my street. My heart pounds hard against my chest. I see Declan’s car in the driveway, and suddenly I can’t wait to see him. I feel like it’s been months, and it’s only been two days. I grab my bag from the back seat and hurry in.
He flings the door open before I touch it and for a moment, all I can do is stare at him. A feeling of finally being home comes over me. Declan opens his arms, and I drop my bag and run into them. He wraps his arms around me, and I want to burst into tears from happiness.
After what seems like hours of just standing there, clinging to him, he finally extricates himself and grabs my bag.
“I’ve missed you,” Declan says.
“Me too.” I hadn’t realized how much until I saw him. “I’ll make some coffee.” Declan takes my bag upstairs while I go to the kitchen. I look around my home and appreciate it more than I ever did.
It’s good to be in my own space.
“So, tell me,” Declan says when he returns to the kitchen. “How was Arlen? What did Leonard want? You were scanty with the details on the phone.” He sits on the stool.
I hesitate for a moment. “Nothing important. Just being his usual stubborn self. Your idea was good. I’ll just ignore him until he’s ready to sign the damn thing. What about you? Anything new?”
Luckily, Declan doesn’t realize how little I’ve actually told him. He launches into the happenings at the pizza shop, and I’m shocked that people can do that. Act as a delivery company for a company that doesn’t even know it.
