I shook my head. "I need to change out of this dress. You two go ahead. You don't need me for this, and I need some time by myself."
Nash didn't like that. "It isn't safe for you to be alone."
"I won't really be alone. Len's on duty for a few more hours, and Tyler just left." I tried to explain, "I know you two need to talk and problem solve. I need to think. Especially after that dinner. I need to think."
Griffen raised a hand, gesturing to Len, my guard for the evening. "Don't let her out of your sight unless she's in her room with the door locked."
"Got it, boss." Len gave a brisk nod. He reminded me of a cross between Griffen and Hawk. He was more chatty than Hawk, less charming than my oldest brother. He wasn't here to be charming, he was here to keep me safe.
I rose up on my toes to press a kiss to Nash's jaw, fitting myself against him, his arms holding me tight. "We'll figure this out. I promise."
"I know," he whispered back, letting me go.
I followed Len to the stairs, staying by his side, as instructed. Len watched me unlock my door. As soon as it was open, he ordered me to wait just inside the re-locked door as he cleared the rooms. When he was sure no threat lurked in my suite, he took his position just outside the door, saying, "Lock it behind me."
I did, trying not to feel trapped. I was alone, but only if I stayed in my rooms. I'd never thought of myself as someone who needed solitude, but after four days with a full-time bodyguard, I already knew I needed more privacy than this. I could handle it for the short term, but for however long Tyler was going to drag out this divorce? I might go crazy by then.
Ready to get out of my wine-damp dress, I wandered into my closet, lost in thought. What did I want? A life with Nash. Absolutely. No question there. If I left with Nash, Tyler would find it hard to follow, considering his lack of funds. Nash could do most of his work remotely, and I'd be able to visit my family when we came back to the area for Nash's on-site work in his new headquarters.
If I left, Griffen could evict Tyler. And without a roof over his head, Tyler wouldn't have the luxury of hanging around to harass me. He'd be too busy dealing with his own problems. We could come back to Sawyers Bend. That would be complicated, given that I wasn't allowed to be on family-owned property. But maybe we could get a place in Asheville for the rest of the terms of my father's will.
I'd be close to home, and family property would be easier to avoid in Asheville than Sawyers Bend, though under Brax's stewardship the family concerns had expanded in the bigger city. The more I thought about it, the more certain I was–I couldn't go further from home than Asheville. Not happening.
I tried to imagine what that would be like. I could see my siblings occasionally, if they made the drive into the city. Hours with my family snatched here and there, like when we'd been growing up. Only hours at a time, never longer, the will demanding they return to Heartstone Manor each night. No more making hot cocoa in the kitchens with Sterling late at night. No more walks with Quinn in the morning before her first group.
I wouldn't be here to see Hope and Griffen's child born. To watch Royal and Tenn fall more deeply in love with Daisy and Scarlett. Royal and Daisy seemed to be taking their time, but I'd seen the way Tenn watched Scarlett and her boys. He wanted to put a ring on her finger sooner than later. I was going to miss that, too.
My heart weighed heavy in my chest, tears pricking my eyes as I absorbed everything I'd give up if I left Heartstone Manor. If it weren't for Nash, I'd take the risk and stay. If it weren't for Nash, Tyler might still be a self-centered, egotistical ass rather than the homicidal prankster he'd become.
And that was the other issue. I couldn't quite convince myself that Tyler was trying to kill me.
Why? If this was about money, he wouldn't get a penny if he got rid of me now.
Everything came back to Nash.
I could almost understand how Tyler felt. Not his trying to hurt me, but being angry and humiliated because his wife left him for his brother? As much as I loved Nash, that part still made me cringe, though I knew I'd made the only choice for us.
Griffen had been right. I'd married the wrong brother. It was awkward and weird and painful, but my marriage to Tyler hadn't ended because of Nash. It had ended because Tyler was an immature, spoiled, controlling alcoholic who'd been cheating on me for years. If Nash hadn't been in the picture, I still would have left Tyler.
Pulling on loose knit lounging pants with a matching tank and light cardigan, I wandered back into my sitting room, contemplating a cup of tea. I wasn't having any more luck sorting out this mess than Nash and Griffen were likely having downstairs.
There were only two choices. Exile and safety, or family and possible death. Both choices stunk.
I was halfway to the electric kettle when voices filtered through the closed door, followed by a firm knock I recognized as Len's.
"Come in," I called out.
Len followed Sterling in, shutting and locking the door behind him. "This is a bad idea," he said, his eyes on Sterling.
My youngest sister was pale, her vibrant blue eyes stricken. "I can't find Shadow. Len said she didn't come this way–" She paused, waiting for a response.
"She isn't here. Len checked the room when we came in, and the door was only open for a few seconds." Worry seized me at the thought of our tiny kitten wandering the house alone. So many closets and small spaces to get trapped in.
"I asked Savannah," Sterling continued, "and she's looking. One of the day staff thinks she might have left my door open."
"Let's go look for her," I said, the weight in my chest heavier at the tears in Sterling's eyes. We both loved our little Shadow, but Sterling and the kitten had bonded on a level that went beyond human and beloved pet.
Sterling had taken a lot of hits in her short life, some of the worst this year, and she'd given all she had to recovering. She'd lost her father, the only parent she'd ever really known. She'd quit drinking, fallen in love, and been terribly betrayed.
