“No, I don’t suppose I expected that would.”
The server returns briefly with the first course, setting plates down between us.The interruption is brief, but it shifts the space just enough, diffusing the intensity without breaking it.She waits until we’re alone again before continuing.
“You drove past my building.”It’s not accusatory.But it strikes a chord that she’s calling me out for it.
“Yes.”I don’t bother denying it.
“How many times?”Her head tilts just a tad, I think a little shocked at the ease of my confession.
“Enough.”
A small huff of laughter escapes her, quiet, almost impressed.“You’re not even going to pretend you weren’t watching.”
“No.”
“Honesty.”She leans back slightly, studying me.“That’s new.”
“It serves the purpose more efficiently.”
“Well, that’s something.”Her gaze softens just a fraction.“You always did prefer knowing where everything stood.”
“I still do.”
“And you can’t handle not knowing where I stand.”She muses aloud, and the statement lands hard, but accurate.
“I am trying.”I lock my gaze with her narrowed one.
“Are you though?”
“Yes.”I state it with conviction, although, honestly, it’s because it’s second nature to respond this way.I don’t take into account what I’m really feeling.
She considers that for a moment, her fork moving lightly through her plate without much attention to the food.“You’re used to control, Hayden.You need structure and predictability.It’s what makes your world feel safe.”
“You know what happened when there wasn’t any structure.”I keep my tone even, but my pulse ticks up just a notch.
“That wasn’t about me though.Controlling an environment is one thing, but trying to control a person is a different thing all together.”
My jaw flexes for just an instant.“I don’t think that’s what I did.”
“But it was, Hayden.”Her voice is quiet and without judgement.
“And yet you’re here with me.”
“I am.”Another pause, quieter this time, but heavier.“Do you want to know why?”she stares across the table at me.
“I know why.”I keep my gaze locked on hers as I take a sip of my wine.
“Always so damn sure of yourself.”She gives a small shake of her head, a sad smile pulling at her mouth.“Leaving you had nothing to do at all with how much I loved you.”
“Which is why I let you go.”I lean back slightly, watching her now with a different kind of focus.“But it seems the reason you left may no longer be an issue.”
“Do you really think it’s that black and white?”
“Then help me understand.”
She smiles then, slow and deliberate.“You’ve always wanted to set the terms.”
“I just wanted you to be safe.”
