“I know.”Her fingertips brush through my hair again.“I don’t actually want you softer.”
That lands somewhere dangerous inside my chest.“What do you want?”
Vanessa holds my gaze for a long moment before answering.“I just need room to still exist beside you.”
Christ.There it is again.That understanding and the awful realization of how badly I loved her before and how badly I want to do it right this time.I want to be better, and I know I’m capable of it.I reach for her then, brushing a strand of auburn hair behind her ear before letting my hand settle against the side of her neck.
“I can try.”Not, I’ll never fail.Not, I’ll magically fix myself.Just the truth that I’ll try.
Vanessa searches my face for another long second before finally nodding once.“Okay.”
One word.But it’s soft and terrifying and somehow that tiny little word feels bigger than anything else that stood between us over the last ten years combined.
She shifts until her forehead rests lightly against mine again, our legs tangled beneath the sheets while the city hums faintly far above us.We don’t make any other promises.We’re just two people finally honest enough to admit they still want each other.
And God damn if that doesn’t scare the hell out of me.
Chapter Seventeen
Vanessa
Drive
The Cars
Leaving Gild feels strangely intimate.Not because of what happened between us in Hayden’s room.Because of everything that came after.The conversation and the realization that we’re somehow doing this again.And even though we agreed we’d go slow, it doesn’t make it any less terrifying.
By the time we finally force ourselves out of bed, the club has gone quiet around us, the muted pulse of music upstairs softer now beneath the low hum of late-night conversation filtering faintly through the door.Neither of us seems particularly eager to acknowledge that means it’s time to leave.
Hayden dresses first, his actions methodical and controlled as his dark slacks are pulled on with ease.Buttons fastened one at a time.His shirt cuffed neatly back into place while I sit tangled in black sheets watching him move through the room like I haven’t spent half my adult life trying not to remember exactly what he looks like doing ordinary things.
At some point his eyes catch mine in the mirror.“You’re staring again.”
“You’re very aesthetically pleasing.”
A quiet laugh leaves him as he reaches for his jacket draped over the chair.“Is that your professional opinion?”
“It’s science, actually.”
He smiles that smile again.God.I missed that smile.I reluctantly slip from the bed a few minutes later, gathering my dress from the floor while Hayden watches me with an intensity that makes heat curl low in my stomach embarrassingly fast.
“What?”I tilt my head.
“You’re staying at my place next time.”The words land with dangerous ease.Because we both know there’s going to be a next time.Because neither of us is pretending otherwise anymore.
I smooth my dress back into place before glancing toward him.“That sounds suspiciously optimistic.”
“It sounds like planning ahead.”
The frightening part is, I like the sound of that entirely too much.The walk to the exit is quiet after that.It’s not awkward but it’s clear that both of us are still pondering everything we said in that room.Everything we finally admitted.
Cold air greets us once we step outside, the city feeling empty this late at night.Chicago glows silver beneath streetlights and the distant reflection of the lake.Hayden walks me to my car without question.Of course he does.
And this time, strangely, it doesn’t feel suffocating.It just feels like him.He stops once we reach the driver’s side door, one hand settling automatically against the roof of the car while his gaze drags over my face.Neither of us moves to say goodbye immediately.And I think it’s because neither of us really wants to, but it’s also too soon for us to do otherwise.
When he speaks, it’s to make a promise that settles soft between us.“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I nod once.“Okay.”
