“Then let us waste no time. I was wrong, and I wish to apologise for my unjust words. I did not sleep a wink last night, trying to understand what you wrote and deciding whether I believed it or not. I am grateful for your confidence in relating to me such painful details about yourself…and your sister. You may trust in my secrecy. I shall not reveal your private affairs to any living soul.”
“If I doubted your secrecy, I would not have written the letter, Miss Bennet. I would be relieved if you trusted my words, not so much for myself but for your own safety. And I encourage you to reveal what I said about my financial dealings with Wickham. I have written proof and the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam if it is required. Nobody should trust Wickham, and it was my fault that I did not expose him earlier.”
“You should know I was never ‘enamoured’ by Mr Wickham as you suggested. Not by far. But I did find his company exceedingly pleasant, and I pitied him for his misfortunes. Of course, I now realise I foolishly wasted my trust and sympathy. Mr Wickham will not hear another kind word from me.”
Anger animated her, and her eyes were brightened by her agitated speech.
“But you were wrong too, Mr Darcy! Very wrong, and your actions might have ruined the happiness of two good, kind-hearted people. I cannot be sure about Mr Bingley, but Jane…I know there is no woman to equal her in generosity, gentleness, and loyalty. Her heart was touched, and she will not easily forget Mr Bingley.”
She paused for a moment to catch her breath. He said nothing.
“That your observations were far from the truth and you misjudged her guarded manners speaks of your flaws of character, not hers. You might have acted for the benefit of your friend, but he will surely not find another woman with as many excellent qualities as Jane who will genuinely love him. She cannot be blamed for not displaying her affection publicly. You should have known better, Mr Darcy. After all, your actions were of such a nature that nobody ever guessed your true feelings and intentions either. You and Jane both concealed your sentiments, except she did so due to her nature, while you did it on purpose.”
Her countenance revealed her sorrow, and he could see that the sparkle in her eyes was caused by tears that she was holding in check. His resentment turned into grief and remorse — and shame. Yes, he should have known better and not assumed what he could not observe. Or perhaps he had been too busy searching for a reason to leave Netherfield because he was in danger himself, not Bingley.
“I cannot argue with you, Miss Bennet, in regard to your sister. You must be right, so I am certainly wrong. I never pretended my character was flawless.”
“You should not be content to only admit your errors, Mr Darcy. It is not just about your refusal to dance with merely tolerable women, which you are absolutely entitled to. You are a powerful man, with much influence over so many people, including your friends. Your errors might cause long-lasting harm, and your misjudgement might have terrible consequences. I am sorry if you are offended, but this is the truth, and you must hear it!”
Her emotions seemed to overwhelm her — and him. Speechless, he needed a moment longer to comprehend the meaning of her statement.
“I hope I have the strength to not be offended by the truth, Miss Bennet. For this, you should not apologise,” he finally managed to reply. “You are correct — admitting my errors is nothing without applying an appropriate remedy. Is there anything else you wish to ask me? I am afraid I must return to Rosings.”
“No…” she whispered. “I spoke my heart. I have no further questions.”
“Then I shall leave you. I wish you all the best, Miss Bennet,” he said, bowing to her. Then he turned and left, rather abruptly. Being near her, watching her torment for which he was to blame and not being able to comfort her was too painful. He felt weakened under the burden of a guilt he clearly understood. And he had just learnt that she had heard him call her tolerable at the assembly. What remedy could exist for so many wrongs?
His pace increased as he approached Rosings, and his torment grew stronger. His letter had had the desired effect in regard to Wickham but was surely insufficient to justify his involvement in separating Bingley and Jane Bennet.
By the time he entered the house and climbed the stairs towards his chamber, he realised another letter was needed to address what the first one had lacked. Even if he returned to London the next day, the express would arrive a day earlier, and that might be important. He threw his coat on the bed, pulled out another sheet of paper, and wrote:
Bingley,
There is something of the greatest importance you should know. I shall arrive in London the day after you receive this letter, but I have decided to send it nevertheless. You will have time to read it, and once I am home, we might discuss its contents at length…
The letter was not as long as the one he had written to Elizabeth, but it was filled with concerns about Bingley’s response when reading it. Darcy had not discussed Miss Bennet with his friend since they left Netherfield, so he was unaware whether Bingley still had lasting feelings for the lady. How would the letter affect him? It was difficult to anticipate, especially for someone whose judgment was so often wrong. He finished the letter, sealed it, and sent it by express in great haste.
