“I fell in love with you that night,” she said, daring to look at him.“Out there, under the stars.It was terribly romantic and I was quite young, but I fell all the same.”
“So we were heading in the same direction.”His features hardened slightly, as if he remembered something more.Like the fact that she left him at the altar.
“I did love you,” she insisted, as if her words could keep reality at bay.
“It wasn’t enough.”
“Adam—”
“No.”He rose and walked over to the porch railing.The shadows swallowed him until only a vague outline remained visible.“It’s true.You were too young.I see that now.The blame—” He drew in a breath and released it.“You weren’t ready.”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“And I pushed you.”
“I wanted to be pushed.Sort of.”It was so complicated, she thought, standing up as well and walking toward him.“So many things confused me.I wanted to believe that you cared about me, but I was never sure I measured up.You were so perfect, and I was just this dumb kid.”
“Hardly that.”He shifted until he sat on the railing and looked out into the yard.
When she reached him, she leaned against one of the pillars supporting the covering.They were nearly at eye-level.The darkness made it easier to confess almost everything.
“I wanted to please you,” she said.“More than anything, I wanted to be everythingyouwanted.But there was so much that scared me.”
“Like me?”He asked the question bitterly.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“You could have told me.”
“I was afraid of what you’d think and say.I was afraid you’d finally figure out that I wasn’t enough.”
He looked at her then, regret tightening his mouth.“I wanted to marry you, Jane.No one else.You were exactly right for me.”
“We were compatible?”she asked.
“I thought so.”
“The perfect banker’s wife?”
“You could have been.”
Convenience, she thought.While she spoke of love and need, he remembered that she was malleable.Had he loved her?She wanted to ask the question.Had he cared?
“I always thought—” He offered her a quick smile.“I had plans for us.Changes in the house.Trips.A future.I supposed I could have talked more about that.Times were hard for me then.What with the bank, and Dani and Ty needing things.”He turnedback to face the yard.“I know that I could have been there more for you.We were so suitable, I assumed that you’d know all that.I should have realized your youth would be a problem as well as an asset.”
It was as close to a confession of responsibility as she was going to get.Suitable.He thought they were suitable.What about passion?she wanted to cry out.Tell me that you used to lie awake nights and dream about making love with me.Tell me that you ached for my touch.Explain to me how we would grow old together, loving each other more and more each day.
He did none of those.And she didn’t ask him to.It didn’t matter anymore.
“I’m sorry, too, Adam,” she said at last, because there was nothing else to say.It was as she’d suspected.She’d loved with her whole being, while he’d followed a logical course of action.Running had been wrong; not marrying Adam had, however, been the correct decision.
He looked at her.“I feel as if this is a significant moment.A truce of sorts.Maybe we should commemorate it.”
“In case it doesn’t last?”
She meant the question as a joke but he didn’t smile.Instead, he stood up and took the single step that separated them.Before she could move away, he trapped her between the pillar, the railing and himself.
“Adam?”
