He said them?“Wait,” Jane called after her, but it was too late.
He said the words?Adam Barrington said “I love you” to his daughter?Was it possible?Jane poured herself a cup of coffeeand sat at the kitchen table.She smiled to herself.Maybe, just maybe they were going to get through this.
* * *
Adam stared out his office window.Give it up, he told himself as he tossed his pen onto his desk.He wasn’t fooling anyone.For the last week he’d existed in a fog; going through the motions of his life, but not really participating.He wasn’t kidding anyone.He shook his head.That wasn’t true.Hewaskidding everyone else; he wasn’t kidding Jane.
He thought about the routine they’d slipped into.Billie appeared at his house for breakfast.He went over there for dinner.They spent the evening as a family, but as soon as Billie went to bed, he returned to his own place.As Jane watched him leave, she asked him silent questions.He still didn’t have any answers.
She’d threatened to tempt him into her bed.So far she hadn’t tried anything, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t tempted.It only took a look, a brush of her hand against his arm, or the scent of her perfume and he was hard and ready to take her.So far he’d managed to resist.Not out of any moral strength.Rather it was a feeling of self-preservation and the sensation that he was on the edge of a great discovery.He just had to hang in a little longer.He hoped.
The late afternoon had turned hot and muggy.Despite the air-conditioning in the bank, he felt uncomfortable.He swore out loud.He couldn’t stand it anymore.Rising from his seat, he grabbed his jacket, then headed for the door.He met his secretary in the hallway.
“Mr.Barrington?”Edna asked as she stared at him.
“I’m leaving.”
“Now?”She sounded scandalized.“It’s only three o’clock.”
He grinned at her.“I know, Edna.Why don’t you take off early, too?”
“I couldn’t.”Her heavily painted mouth formed a moue of disapproval.
“Your choice.”
He walked through the bank and out the back door.
The trip home took about ten minutes.After opening a cold beer, he loped up the stairs toward his room.Once he’d shed hissuit, he felt better.The house was oddly quiet.It was because Charlene was gone, he told himself.Even though she didn’t actually live with him, she was in and out enough for him to miss her.He wondered what Greece thought of Charlene Standing ofTheCarolina Standings.
He pulled on shorts and a polo shirt and picked up his beer.But instead of going downstairs to his office, he turned left and continued down the hall.One of the small rooms at the very end, in what used to be the maids’ quarters, housed a few of his boxes.There were his sports trophies from high school.Some old clothes, his letterman’s jacket.His lucky jersey and a football helmet.
He pushed open the door and stepped inside.He wasn’t interested in anything from high school, or even college.Adam crouched by a small box tucked in the corner.He set his beer on the floor and touched the white cover.Taking a deep breath, he lifted it up and stared inside.
White roses.They still carried their scent, he thought as he inhaled the sweet smell.Two dozen, in the shape of an oval.Yellowed ribbons circled the arrangement, and it all sat on a cloud of tulle.Jane’s bouquet.
He sat down and picked up the flowers.They’d dried perfectly.A couple had crumbled at the edges, but other than that, they were exactly as he remembered.
It had been after the guests had been told there would be no wedding.He’d stood in the back and watched them file out.A couple had walked over to him to offer condolences.He’d been too numb to respond.Jane’s mother had approached him last.Her hazel eyes, so much like her daughter’s, had avoided his.Without saying anything, she’d pressed something small and hard into his hand.The ring.
He looked into the box and saw the velvet jeweler’s case in the corner.He’d taken the ring and held it tight.When the last person had left, he’d walked through the church.There had been so many questions.Why had she left?Why hadn’t she said anything?What could he have done to keep her?
Then he’d seen them.The flowers.She’d left them on a chair by the church’s side door.He’d picked up the bouquet with theintent of throwing it into the garbage.In the end, he couldn’t.He’d stared at the flowers every day for two months, until they’d dried up and he’d finally packed them away.With the ring.
He set the flowers on the floor and picked up the velvet box.Inside a two-carat solitaire diamond winked at him.A ring fit for a princess, he’d thought when he’d seen it in the store window.He’d bought the ring months before he’d proposed because he’d known it was perfect for Jane.He’d practiced what he’d planned to say.The romantic phrases had sounded silly, so in the end he’d told her they were suited.
Suited.He shook his head.Notthat she drove him wild with her smiles.Notthat he wanted to watch her grow large with their children and raise them together.Notthat he dreamed about building a life with her for years to come.Notthat he loved her.Because he couldn’t say the words.If he loved her, she would leave him.
She’d left him, anyway.
He snapped the box closed and took another drink from the bottle.So the system had its flaws.Nothing was perfect.Nothing was forever.Nothing was guaranteed.He could make it easy or he could make it hard.In the past, he’d chosen the difficult path.By listening to the voice inside, by giving in to the fear, he’d lost the only woman he’d ever loved.
And here he was again.Damn close to losing her.He was supposed to be the smart one.When was he going to learn?
He rose and walked over to the small window.He could see Jane’s house from here, and her yard.Her car stood in the driveway.She was right there, he thought.All he had to do was reach out and take what she offered.A single step of faith.Three small words.How much easier could it be?
* * *
Jane stared in the refrigerator.There wasn’t anything decent for dinner.Maybe she should suggest that the three of them go out to eat.Not a good idea, she thought, swinging the door closed.It had been awkward between her and Adam lately.There would be enough gossip without speculation that their undefined relationship was already falling apart.She glanced at the clock onthe wall.There was still time to go to the store before Billie came home from her day camp.Maybe a nice roast.
