But it’s true. I’m staring at it, right here in black and white.
I trusted him.
Just like I trusted my daddy.
God, he was good at the show, though, wasn’t he? The man inherited his mother’s talent, no doubt about it. He deserves a fucking Oscar.
I drop the stack of papers as a wave of nauseousness hitsme. I’m suddenly so homesick I can’t breathe. Because I know I can never, ever go back there.
I rush from the room and run down the hallway. For a second I wonder if I’m going to be sick, but the wave passes.
Why didn’t he tell me?
All those times I gushed to him about losing my hotel and everything in it and he never said a word.
Why?
Maybe he knew I’d hate him if I found out who he really was.
I pull on some boots and put on a coat. Then I grab my phone and call Sadie.
She answers on the first ring. “Tell me you’ve changed your mind about meeting me.”
“I have.” My voice sounds strange. Strung out and scared.
Sadie hears it. “You okay, Ami?”
I make a point of trying to sound normal and breezy. “Yeah, I’m fine. Where should I meet you?”
I listen to what she tells me and we end the call.
I leave my phone on the bedside table. He could track me with it. Hewouldtrack me with it.
Picking up the black credit card, I slip it into the pocket of my jacket. I’m devastated—again—but I’m not stupid.They’re his babies too. And they’re going to need money.I’m sure he’ll be able to track any purchases or withdrawals I make, if I use it. Which I will. Once. Right before I disappear.
39
I takethe elevator down to the lobby and walk out onto the street. My heart races in a weird, heavy rhythm. With sadness. But it’s a resigned sadness.You knew it couldn’t last. You knew this kind of thing happens all the time. You knew he was too good to be true.And with fear.What if one of his guards or doormen sees me?
But no one seems to notice me. I remember the map and I know which way to go. It might be twenty blocks or so. Barely a stroll for a New Yorker.
The streets are busy with people getting on with their lives. It feels strange to be among regular people again. On the ground instead of on top of the world.
I don’t cry a single tear and I’m relieved. I cried all the time when I was with Dallas. I could never figure out why it came so easily, after a lifetime of barely shedding a tear.
Because I felt safe with him. It all just came tumbling out.Because a piece of me didtrust him, of course it did. Look what I was able to overlook to get as close to him as possible.
I have a lot to think about.
Where are you going to go? Not home. You don’t have one of those anymore.
I have a lot I’m going to need to figure out.
What are you going to do about … your mistake? The one you insisted on making over and over again for almost an entire month and now you—and only you—are going to have to deal with the consequences.
Right now all I can concentrate on is finding Sadie. I’ll work on the rest of it later.
Daylight is starting to fade. It might be 5:30 or six. New York feels more wintery than it has before. As it should, since I’m outside the bubble of comfort now, cast back out into the harsh, gritty light of reality.
