Now I feel even more embarrassed. Here I’ve been pining after him, putting him on this pedestal in my head of being the Daddy That Got Away, and I was just a fun camp fling to him.
That’s just great.
But, really, what did I expect? Iknowhow frustrating I can be. How high maintenance I am. How annoying. I know all of this, and I already knew that there was no chance that he would want to be my long-term, exclusive Daddy, but hearing the confirmation out of his own mouth really fucking hurts.
Swallowing around the sudden lump in my throat, I nod. “Okay.” The word comes out tight and warped.
Kris’s expression falls. “What? What did I say?”
“Nothing.” I fight to recover my equilibrium. To find the version of me with the hard shell. The haughty, sassy,bitchyversion of me. The one who doesn’t care that people think he’s a pain in the ass and too much to deal with. I hope the tight smile I offer him is frosty as fuck. “I get it. It was just a couple of fun scenes. I’ve been” —I flap my hand around, gesturing to the quiet room around us— “out of it. But I’m good now.”
Confusion clouds his eyes while I talk, but then they widen and he grips my thigh. “Wait. No. I didn’t mean that that’sallthe camp was to me. That that’s allyouwere. But—”
“No, I got it. I made a fool of myself thinking that I left and you were probably upset or…I don’t even know. But you weren’t, so—”
“Who said I wasn’t?”
“Uh, you just did.”
“No, I didn’t.”
I frown at him. “You said, and I quote, ‘We had fun’ and ‘we never agreed to more’.”
“Because we did, and we didn’t, but Ialsosaid that I wanted to ask you to keep in touch. Let me be even more clear, Benjamin.” He stares hard at me, definitely giving me the impression that if I wasn’t before, I amnowon my way to earning a punishment. “I wanted to keep in touch, because I liked you and wanted to keep getting to know you and keep seeing where our Daddy/Boy dynamic might take us if we could line our schedules up, depending on where we both lived. Was I looking to be someone’s full-time Daddy when I was at that camp? No. But then I met you, and now that’s all I want.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Well, I guess we can call that shooting my shot.
Benji stares back at me, wide-eyed. Then he blinks a few times, squares his shoulders, and confidently says, “No, you don’t.”
Excuse me?
I’m so gob smacked by the sass in his reply that I decide to run with that first thought as my actual response. “Excuse me?”
“You don’t want me,” he repeats himself with the same ‘I know I’m right’ attitude.
If this Boy doesn’t have emotional whiplash from tonight, I’ll be surprised. He’s gone from sweet, vulnerable Little to bratty adult in what feels like zero point three seconds.
Folding my arms and arching my eyebrows I ask, “Really?”
He nods, blond hair falling into his eyes. Brushing it away casually, he explains, “Contrary to what tonight’s whole thing might lead you to believe, I’m not some sweet Little or Middle who wants cuddles all the time. I’m bratty, and high maintenance, and too much work for a Daddy. Too much of a troublemaker.”
Oh.
A metaphorical lightbulb flares to life above my head.
Earlier, he said nobody wanted to be friends with a troublemaker like him. Now he’s repeating that sentiment again with conviction. Someone somewhere must have said these things to him once upon a time, and he’s been living with the belief that everyone will feel the same way once he lets them get too close, so he digs his heels in and hisses and snarls and convinces everyone around him that he is exactly what he says he is. A bit like a spooked kitten.
Well, too bad. I’m stubborn when I want to be, too.
“Why?” I prod patiently, cocking my head. “Why do you think you’re a troublemaker? Why do you think you’re too much work?”
Big blue eyes fill with confusion. “What do you mean ‘why’? Iamtoo much. I’m argumentative, and I push boundaries and buttons, and Ilikegetting in trouble—”
“Usually pre-negotiated and on your own terms, though,” I toss the caveat in. “You like getting in trouble when you know it’s coming. When you are deliberately trying to get in trouble. When you know exactly what the consequences will be.”
He rolls his eyes but concedes. “Sure. Whatever.”
