Skyler breathes in deeply, wanting to cry. This is too much.
He leads Trevor into the apartment and over to the couch, propping him up against the arm. Then he promises he’ll be right back and goes to get him a glass of water and some Tylenol.
Stella, who’s lying on the rug, opens her eyes to watch him moving around, but then she promptly goes back to sleep.
When Skyler returns to the couch, Trevor’s managed to take off his shoes and shirt. Skyler’s eyes zero in on the familiar tattoo on his chest, the hearts-flush poker hand that spellsall inwhere the numbers should be, and it takes him a few moments to remember what he was doing. He sits down beside him, careful to keep some distance, and hands him the water and Tylenol.
Trevor eyes them with disinterest, but after Skyler says, “Please,” he tosses the pills in his mouth and swallows.
Skyler watches him as he drinks the rest of the water. When Trevor’s finished with it, he sets the glass on the table and angles his body toward Skyler. He’s settled down a bit, no longer grabbing frantically for him. But by the expectant look on his face, he’s clearly waiting for Skyler to make a move.
Skyler’s eyes keep drifting down to the tattoo. The person who got that tattoo for him is the same person sitting on his couch looking at him like he either wants to devour him or be devoured, and like he really doesn’t care which. So many things have changed, but Trevor is still Trevor.
And that makes it so damn hard to do the right thing.
They could fall into each other right now. Let their bodies take over and fuck each other senseless like they’ve done hundreds of times before. But Trevor would almost definitely regret it in the morning, and Skyler can’t trick himself into believing that one more night could ever possibly be enough for him.
If he gets a real taste of Trevor again, he’ll never be able to give him up. He’ll latch on to him, disregard what Trevor actually wants, and beg him to stay. And there’s a chance Trevor might do it, just because he’s used to giving Skyler anything he wants.
But no, he doesn’t want it to go like that. Doesn’t want to guilt Trevor into being with him.
He forces himself to stand, and when Trevor stands to meet him, Skyler finds himself with the love of his life so close that Trevor’s warm breath hits his collarbone through his shirt. Taking a step away, he almost falls over the coffee table.
Trevor laughs and reaches for his waist to steady him. It sort of has the opposite effect though.
Skyler gets himself under control and says, “Time for bed.”
The side of Trevor’s mouth quirks up. “That’s what I’ve been waiting for.”
Lord, help me.
He directs Trevor into the guest room where he helps him out of his pants. When Trevor grabs at the hem of Skyler’s shirt, he shakes his head and gently pushes away his fingers. “Get in bed.”
Trevor frowns. “Aren’t you—Don’t you want to—”
Smoothing his hands over Trevor’s bare shoulders, Skyler guides him backward until he hits the bed. Trevor gets on it willingly but doesn’t have the coordination to get under the covers, so Skyler helps him. He looks confused and hurt again, and it makes Skyler want to punch himself in the face, because Trevor should never have to look like that. He should always look like sunshine.
He tells himself that Trevor will fall asleep within minutes of lying down and he probably won’t remember much of this in the morning.
Skyler urges him to lay his head on the pillow, and then leans down to card his fingers through Trevor’s hair, just once, unable to help it. But as he goes to move away, Trevor catches his hand and holds on tighter than he should be able to in his drunken state. Trevor’s other arm winds around Skyler’s neck to pull him back down. And then, before Skyler has the chance to resist, Trevor kisses him.
It doesn’t have the urgency of his earlier movements when he was pressing into Skyler, groping, driving him wild. But the kiss is solid and sure, and it sets Skyler’s blood on fire all the same.
And it takes him longer than it should to pull away.
He expects Trevor to whine again, but all the fight seems to have gone out of him. Trevor gives him a look of resigned acceptance before letting go of his hand.
Skyler’s free to leave now, but it takes a while for his body to get the memo. Finally, he does what he has to do. He says goodnight and turns for the door. He makes it all the way there and flips the light switch, but before he can slip out of the room, a soft voice calls out to him in the dark.
“Can you just stay with me?”
Oh.
He only hesitates a moment before giving in, going back to the bed and climbing in beside Trevor. It might not be what Trevor needs or wants in the long run, but if it’s what he wants right now, Skyler can’t deny him.
Skyler barely gets the chance to lie down before Trevor grabs his arm and rolls away from him, onto his side, pulling Skyler into position to spoon him. Skyler used to prefer being the little spoon. Even though he’s taller than Trevor, Trevor always made a great big spoon. But this is really nice too.
As he predicted, Trevor falls asleep almost immediately, but it takes Skyler much longer. Not only because he’s still fully dressed in his shirt and jeans, butbecause he wants to relish this. They’ve been sharing a bed, but they haven’t properly cuddled this way. And after Trevor didn’t come to his room last night, Skyler worried that he’d never get to sleep beside him again.
