Layla laughs like him being disturbed by the idea of Mr. and Mrs. James having sex is amusing. And he realizes that he’s reacting as if they were his own parents. Unjustly horrified by the concept like any child would be. Except Layla, apparently.
Thankfully, she doesn’t say anything else on that topic, but then in the conversational lull, Trevor can’t keep his eyes from drifting to the poster of Skyler. He thinks he’s being subtle about it, until Layla says, “Seriously, can you stop checking him out?”
“I’m not.” He was, but that’s not the point. “It’s just pretty incredible, right? To see what he’s achieved. How he’s become an actual icon. I always knew he’d be a huge star someday, but this is on a whole other level. The way he’s so confident in himself is…”
She nods like she gets what he’s trying to say, which is good, because it’s hard to put into words how proud of Skyler and amazed by him Trevor is.
“He’s still the sweetest guy in the world,” Layla says. “But when he’s onstage he knows exactly how good he is. He knows how much everyoneloves him and wants him, and he feeds off it. Plays into it, cocky and unashamed. And you gave that to him, you know.”
“What? I don’t know if that’s true.” If anything, Trevor would think it’s the opposite. Think he was responsible for destroying some of Skyler’s confidence, leaving him unsure of everything by the time things ended with them.
Layla assesses him sharply before her gaze turns soft. “Trevor. After you spent all those years constantly telling him how amazing and talented he was, and showing him how much you loved him, you don’t think you’re at least partially responsible for giving him his sense of confidence? He wasn’t like this before he met you. He was never ashamed of who he was or anything, but he used to wander around like an awkward baby duckling. Now he struts across every stage like he owns it.”
Trevor shrugs. “He was a teenager before I met him. He grew up, that’s all.”
“Yeah, he did. And he was lucky enough to grow with you by his side. Being loved by you helped shape the person he is now.”
Trevor’s speechless at that, incapable of unsticking any words from his throat. Finally, when he manages, all he can say is, “He did the same for me.”
Layla smiles softly, and all at once it’s too much. She’s being too nice to him. He doesn’t deserve it after acting like an idiot when he saw her for the first time in five years. He wants her to know that’s not him. That he doesn’t normally drink to the point of being unable to control himself.
“Hey, about the other night,” he starts, willing himself to hold eye contact with her even though he’s embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” she tells him.
But that’s not true, is it? He needs to apologize for so much. Even more than just the other night. He may have built up Skyler’s confidence, but he destroyed him in other ways too.
And maybe having the ability to read his mind isn’t strictly a Skyler James skill. Maybe it’s a James skill, because Layla gives him a piercing look and says, “Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
“Let’s get everything out right now.” She pauses to take a sip and then sighs. “It’s obvious you still feel guilty for how it all ended with you and Sky. And I’m guessing you’re worried that I’m still going to be mad at you for it. But I’m not. I never was.”
Trevor holds his breath. He wants to tell her sheshouldbe mad, that he’s mad at himself. But he can tell she’s not finished.
“The two of you loved each other so damn much,” she says. “Which made it so you could hurt each other just as much. After you broke up, I couldn’t imagine you’d ever be able to get back together. There was so much pain. For both of you.” She shifts in her seat, hesitating, like she’s not sure if she should say what she wants to say next. “But now that you’re in his life again, I know Sky’s going to fight his hardest to keep you.”
Well. Not exactly what Trevor expected her to say. The Jameses are always full of surprises.
“That’s the thing, though,” he tells her. “The problem was never him not fighting hard. It wasmenot fighting hard enough forhim.”
“I wouldn’t say that was your only problem. You shouldn’t take all the blame for how things went down. But.” She gives him that piercing look again, and he fights the urge to shrink into the couch cushions, away from the eyes that aren’t quite as green as Skyler’s, but definitely formidable. “Are you ready to fight now?”
“I—”
He doesn’t know what to say, but he can’t ignore the question when she put it so plainly like that. As if being ready is all it takes.
And maybe it is. Or maybe it’s a start, at least.
Trevor’s suddenly so deeply tired of not letting himself have what he wants. Of punishing himself for the choices he made in the past. Which might not have been the right choices, but he was doing the best he knew how to do with the circumstances he was in.
But the circumstances are different now.
And it’s not Layla he needs to say any of this to, is it?
Because he’s ready. He fucking is.
He stands abruptly, almost slamming his soda can down on the coffee table. Layla must somehow understand what he’s about to do, because instead of looking at him like he’s lost his mind, she smiles and stands too. When she gives him a tight hug, he breathes her in. She still smells like family to him.
