Trevor’s only ever been in love with him.
“And yet, you married her,” Skyler says, the unmistakable traces of bitterness creeping into his voice. But he has every damn right to be bitter.
“Let’s not talk about it. This topic might be too much for today, yeah?” It’s probably too much to talk about ever, really. Trevor doesn’t need the reminder of how badly he screwed up. As if he’s been able to forget it for even one day.
“Yeah. Okay.” Skyler starts picking at the table again.
This has gone better than Trevor could have expected, all things considered. They’re not yelling at each other. They’re not crying. Maybe they can quit while they’re ahead and walk away amicably.
“Do you want to go grab a coffee?” Skyler asks.
“Um.”
Yes.
No.
Fuck.
“Okay. Sure.”
SKYLER
WHAT AM I DOING?
Well. Skyler knows what he’s doing. He’s driving himself and Trevor to get coffee, since Trevor walked to the park. Butwhyis he doing it? Why did he suggest it? What the hell happened inside his brain to make him think this was a good idea?
The two of them sitting there at the park felt too formal, like a business meeting. And he didn’t want that. He hates business meetings.
He wishes they could just be…SkylerandTrevor. Like before.
But it can’t really be like before, of course, when they were so wrapped up in each other all the time that nothing and nobody else in the world mattered. He thought giving them an activity to do though, like getting coffee, would make things feel at least a little more casual.
Except now he’s realizing this is a major mistake, because having Trevor beside him in the close confinement of the car is torture. He can hear Trevor’s quiet breaths (despite how Trevor seems to be trying not to make a sound) and smell his sort of spicy cologne. And all this is making it impossible to ignore how badly Skyler still wants him.
He wants to scratch his nails through Trevor’s blond hair, mess up the way it’s neatly styled on top, and then continue scratching his way down his back. He wants Trevor to wrap his arms around him, because he remembers exactly how good it used to feel to be protected in those strong arms. He wants to stareinto his eyes, blue as fucking oceans, as he tips Trevor’s chin up to kiss him and…Shit.
Why is he doing this to himself?
He long ago accepted the fact that he’d never get to touch this man again. Now Trevor’s here, less than two feet away from him, and technically, hecouldtouch him. But. He can’t. He doesn’t get to do that anymore, because he ruined everything incredible that they had by pushing Trevor for more than he could give him.
So he can look but not touch, and it’s better not to even look.
When they pull up to the coffee shop Trevor recommended, Trevor offers to grab their drinks since he’s unlikely to be recognized, and because, unfortunately, they can’t go in and sit down together like normal people. At least this gives Skyler a few minutes to try to relax.
But relaxing has never been his strong suit. And even now after years of practicing yoga and meditation, all those calming breathing techniques have flown out the window. Because being around Trevor makes him feel like he’s seventeen again. Experiencing the fluttery excitement of a new attraction, of wondering if your crush is crushing on you too. Of falling ass over head in-fucking-love.
Except. That’s not what they’re doing here. This time they’re only trying to make it through an afternoon without hurting each other. Or that’s what he’s doing. Honestly, he has no idea what Trevor’s trying to do.
But whatever it is, he can’t ruin it.
Trevor raps his elbow on the passenger window and Skyler rushes to reach across the car, grabbing the handle to push open the door for him. Trevor slides into the seat and passes him the iced coconut matcha he requested.
“Thanks. What are you drinking?”
“Americano,” Trevor says, holding up his paper cup.
Skyler pulls a face. “Black and bitter, I see you haven’t changed.”
