“Well, in case you still have room to eat.” Skyler gestured to the platter on the cart.
“You ordered us room service?”
“Not exactly,” he said, lifting the lid to reveal what was underneath. “It’s your mom’s lasagna.”
Trevor’s brow furrowed. “You made this?” When Skyler nodded, he asked, “How?”
“Don’t you remember I had her teach me her recipe when we visited that one time?”
“Yeah, but…” Trevor stared intently at the cheesy pasta dish like it was going to speak to him. Maybe he expected his mom to speak to him. “How did you do thishere?”
“It wasn’t too hard,” Skyler told him. “I asked the staff to let me use their kitchen.”
In truth, it had taken a combination of asking nicely, flirting, begging, and bribing to pull this off. But he had no problem doing all that and a hell of a lot more for Trevor.
When Trevor continued to stare at the food, his face expressionless, Skyler’s doubts came back. “I’m sorry,” he said, rushing to grab the lid so he could cover up his idiocy. “This was the wrong thing to do, I don’t know what I was thinking, I just wanted to—”
“Sky.” Trevor’s hand was over his, urging him to set the lid down. “I wasn’t expecting anything like this, but it’s really sweet. Thank you.”
“Are you sure?” he asked. “I didn’t think through how painful this could be. I can call someone to take it away.”
“No, don’t. This meal reminds me of so much, and it’s not easy, but thank god you know how to make it because I have no idea. It’s lucky you learned before…” He squeezed Skyler’s hand. “I’d like to eat it with you. Yeah.”
“Okay,” Skyler said. “Great, okay. Let’s sit.”
Trevor shook his head when Skyler went to move the platter to the table. “Can we eat in bed?”
He smiled. “Of course. We can do whatever you want.”
He wheeled the cart over and left it beside the bed. As he divvied up two slices of lasagna onto their plates, Trevor got onto the bed and made himself comfortable on top of the covers. Skyler passed him the first plate, already imagining the huge tip they’d have to leave for housekeeping if they got tomato sauce all over the pristinely white duvet. But it’d be worth it for the tentative smile on Trevor’s face after he took the first bite.
“Oh my god. It tastes exactly like hers.”
Skyler let out a relieved breath before carefully climbing onto the bed with his own plate. His biggest fear had been that he’d get it wrong.
They ate in relative quiet, but for the first time since Trevor got back, it didn’t seem like Trevor was a thousand miles away from him in his head. It felt like they were both right here, together.
It wasn’t until they’d each finished two helpings that Trevor spoke again. “I can’t believe you did this for me.”
“I’d do anything for you,” he said, because it was the truth.
Trevor gave him an intense look. “I know.”
He stacked Trevor’s empty plate on top of his and raised onto his knees to set them on the cart. “I just want you to be okay. More than okay. I want you to be happy, because you deserve to be happy all the time, but for now, I’ll settle for you being okay.”
“I’m… I…” Trevor’s face fell. “I don’t think I’m okay.”
“Oh, babe, I know,” he said, taking Trevor’s hand. “And you don’t need to be right this moment. It’ll take more time, I’m sure.” He brought Trevor’s hand up to kiss the back of it. “I said I want you to be okay, but I don’t expect you to be. Especially when it’s just us. You can feel whatever it is you’re feeling, and no matter how bad or ugly or scary it is, I can handle it. I’ll still be here.”
When Trevor curled his body into Skyler’s chest, Skyler wrapped his arms around him, which made Trevor let out a tiny hum and press his face harder into Skyler’s shirt. Eventually, a dampness seeped through the fabric. Skyler had been relishing in Trevor’s closeness too much to notice Trevor silently crying. He brought a hand up to cradle the back of Trevor’s head, and the cries suddenly turned into loud, hiccupping sobs. Trevor curled his fingers intoSkyler’s clothing, clutching him like a lifeline. And Skyler held him through it, swaying their bodies gently, waiting for the storm to pass.
Finally, the tears subsided. Trevor used a dry patch of Skyler’s shirt to wipe at his eyes, but Skyler didn’t mind.
It took another few moments for Trevor to speak, and when he did, his voice sounded raw and scratchy. “It hurts so fucking much, I don’t know how I’ll survive it. And I can’t make it stop unless I shut down completely. I’m sorry. I know I’ve been weird, I’m so sorry.”
“No, no, no.” Skyler attempted to soothe him by rubbing a hand up and down his back. “You don’t ever have to apologize for how you deal with grief. I was just worried about you because I could tell you were trying to hold so much inside. It was bound to come out eventually, and I wanted you to be in a safe place when it did.”
Trevor looked up at him with infinite love and trust in his eyes, and said, “You’remy safe place.”
