“The reason I disappeared after that horrible night at the Grammys was because I couldn’t handle how badly I’d fucked up and let everyone down. I thought, not only did you guys all hate me, but the fans and everyone in the industry hated me too. I didn’t think I could recover from what happened, and I assumed you guys would recover better without me.”
“Clearly we didn’t though,” Noah says evenly.
Skyler catches Trevor glaring at Noah like he’s going to tell him to shut up, or possibly step forward and punch him—again—so Skyler nudges him gently. Lets him know it’s okay.
“I figured you guys would stay together,” he tells them. “I never stopped to consider that me leaving would mean the band was over. But obviously I thought that Trevor and I were done, and he’d never want to see me again. I couldn’t handle still being in the band and having to face him every day. So.” He shakes his head. This is harder to say out loud than he expected. “What I’m trying to say is I didn’t handle anything right, and I understand there’s nothing I can do to make it up to you guys now, but I am so sorry.”
There are a few tense moments where nobody moves or speaks, then Trevor’s arm slides around his waist as Oli steps in to ruffle his hair and give him a pat on the back. Jermaine squeezes in to rub his shoulder, and Skyler’s relieved and so grateful for these guys. But then he looks past Jermaine to Noah, who’s remained rooted to his spot. They hold eye contact for a couple seconds before Noah gives him a pointed nod and looks away. And that’s fine. It’s the most he could have hoped for, really.
Trevor sticks close by his side when they all go back to join the rest of the party. He doesn’t touch Skyler, but it’s like he wants him to know he’s right there. He’s with him.
Oli’s dad takes charge for the rehearsal, which goes smoothly, and then everyone sits down to eat. When Trevor butters a roll and offers it to Skyler like it’s the most natural thing in the world, nobody bats an eye at them. Skyler’s trying hard to tamp down his smile, but he pretty much fails. Especially after Trevor knocks their knees together under the table.
After dinner, people get up and start mingling while they wait for the servers to bring out dessert. Trevor leaves him to go talk to Megan and her sister, and before Skyler can get up to wander around himself, Noah takes Trevor’s seat.
“Uh, hey,” Skyler says.
Noah nods. “Hey.”
And then when Noah doesn’t say anything else, Skyler blurts out, “I’m sorry. I know I already said that, but you deserve to hear it one-on-one.”
“I appreciate it,” Noah tells him. “But I didn’t come over here for another apology. I wanted to know how you’ve been. It’s impossible to miss how well you’ve done for yourself, but it’s weird that I don’t know what you’ve been upto outside of your career. Since there was a time that I knew whenever you took a shit.”
He laughs and catches Noah cracking a smile too. “I know what you mean. I missed having you in my life.”
“Yeah, well. You might be one of the most stubborn people I know, but I could probably give you a run for your money. I should’ve checked up on you ages ago. But I was angry, and I held on to that for a long time.”
“You’re totally justified in being angry,” Skyler tells him.
“True, but I needed to let it go.” Noah shrugs. “And honestly, we were all about to lose our minds with how overworked we were and all the bullshit they put us through. Some kind of breakdown was probably inevitable. If it hadn’t gone down the way it did, who knows how much longer we would have all held it together anyway.”
Skyler suddenly remembers a conversation he had with Jermaine that feels like it happened a hundred years ago. “I think Jermaine kind of wanted out.”
“I think so too,” Noah says. “I think if everyone really wanted to, we could’ve kept going as a band when you left. But I don’t think they wanted to. Actually, I might have been the only one who’d never imagined splitting up. I definitely took it the hardest. And I don’t know, maybe that was because I didn’t think I could be good enough on my own.”
Woah.For a moment, Skyler just stares at him, because heneverwould have guessed Noah felt that way. If anything, sometimes Noah seemed a little too full of himself. “You’ve done really well with your own music though,” he offers.
Noah nods. “I have. Nowhere near as well as you, but that’s okay. We all knew from day one that you had some extra star power magic the rest of us didn’t.”
He doesn’t know what to say to that.
Noah gives Trevor’s empty wine glass a twirl and smiles. “So you and Trevor, huh?”
Skyler bites his lip shyly. He wonders if Oli or Jermaine told him, or if Noah can simply tell because he knows them both so well, despite the five years he didn’t speak to them. And it’s not that Skyler doesn’t trust him—no matter how mad he was at them, Noah never sold them out to the press after the band broke up. It’s just that he doesn’t trust himself to be able to talk about Trevor without absolutely gushing and sounding like a dork.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Noah says. “I get it.”
“No! We um…yeah. We’re good.”
Noah smiles again. “I’m glad. Half of me can’t believe it, after all this time. But the other half of me is like, well duh, they’re fucking soulmates, they had to end up together.”
“I hope so, but…”
“But what?”
Skyler sneaks a quick glance at Trevor, who’s entertaining people with some animated story. It’s so good to see him happy. “There’s always the chance I’ll mess it up again, isn’t there?”
Noah shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s possible. If he forgave you for what you did, then I’m sure he intends to stick around.”
