Skyler squats down to roll up their mats, but as soon as he hears the elevator doors close on Trevor and Stella, he lets himself sink all the way to the floor. He can’t push Trevor for something he doesn’t want. But they’ve been walking such a fine line here, and he’s clumsy. Eventually, he’s bound to trip and accidentally land on the other side of it.
And he can’t be the only one thinking about this. Can he?
Shit.This isn’t good for his sanity.
But even with the chaos of emotions that Trevor being back in his life has swirled up, his body feels calmly settled in a way it hasn’t in years. He wants to hold on to the feeling as long as possible—preferably forever.
Trying to hold on to Trevor too tightly was where he went wrong in the past, though. Maybe this time he could try to hold him loosely? Keep him close but never make him feel trapped.
Everything was much less complicated when they were younger, when they fell in love the first time. At least in the beginning. But maybe all first loves are like that. When you’re too green to know how hard things can get.
The difference this time is that Skyler’s ready to handle the hard parts.
As he stores the mats away, he begins humming a melody. Then some words come to him, so he grabs his guitar and a notebook and sits on the couch. The fact that Trevor’s been his only source of inspiration lately should probably worry him, but he’s just relieved to be writing. And besides, Trevor’s been hismain inspiration for most of his career, hasn’t he? It’s worked out pretty damn well for him so far. Musically, that is.
He sings what he’s got down, the words traveling all the way into his fingertips as he plays.
This wasn’t what I expected
Didn’t know how much I’d need it
Long ago, I gave up hoping
That you’d come back to me
And now I’m gonna hold this
With a loose grip
So you can go if you need to be free
Not gonna ask for
Too much
I’ll take whatever you can give to me
‘Cause no matter how rough it gets
There’s nowhere else I’d rather be
Than right here wading through
The unsteady waters of me and you
He’s stuck on the next verse, but it doesn’t matter because the elevator dings, announcing Trevor and Stella’s arrival in time for him to close the notebook and attempt to look nonchalant.
Stella bounds over to him, and he has to hold the guitar out of the way as she butts her head into his lap to greet him.
“Are you writing something?” Trevor asks.
Skyler cranes his neck to watch him over the back of the couch as he sets a takeout bag on the counter. “Uh. Yeah. I guess.”
“Can I hear it?”
Shit.
He must be silent for too long, because then Trevor shrugs and says, “Or not. It’s fine.”
