It’s over.
They’re okay.
Trevor’s arms slacken and he pulls back, but not far. And as he starts to lean in again, slower this time, the whole world tilts on its axis. The next thing Skyler knows, Trevor is kissing him. It’s the softest, most tentative press of lips against his, but it’s enough. It’s everything.
In that moment, the world rights itself.
Skyler feels like he’s finally coming home.
TREVOR
Trevor quickly comes backto his senses and jerks away from Skyler’s mouth.
“Oh god. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“No, it’s okay,” Skyler says, looking dazed.
But it issonot fucking okay.
What the hell is he doing?
It was the adrenaline. And the relief. It was all the fucking emotions he’s been going through since he first heard about the danger of the fire finally combusting.
But he can’t do this. He doesn’t get to do this. He doesn’t get to make a promise he can’t keep, because he’s already let Skyler down enough before.
“I think…” he starts, not knowing where to go with it, but desperately needing to get up from this couch. Like putting some physical distance between him and Skyler will help clear his head. As if his head hasn’t been full of Skyler for the last ten years. “Maybe I need to go to bed. I’m exhausted. I didn’t sleep well last night.”
Skyler gives him a knowing nod. Andright. He probably knows that because Trevor slept in his bed last night.
“I’ll go too,” Skyler offers.
“No!” he says too quickly, too aggressively, making Skyler frown. “Uh, no, you don’t have to. “I’ll just,um. I’m really tired.”
“Okay, yeah.” Skyler nods again, his face difficult to read. Or maybe Trevor doesn’t want to read it. Maybe he’s avoiding looking too hard. “You should get some sleep. I’ll take Stella for a walk and then let her in with you.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Okay,” Trevor says.
They’ve been sayingokayto each other a lot lately, and the more they say it, the less okay things feel.
He thought they’d gotten past the stilted awkwardness, fallen into a casual comfort with each other. And he needed that. He doesn’t want to lose it.
But he’s probably fucked everything up.
He tries to offer Skyler a smile to show he’s not completely falling apart, though he’s sure it falls flat. “Thanks.”
“No problem,” Skyler says. But it sounds like there is a problem. It sounds loaded with all the things Skyler’s holding himself back from saying. “I hope you can sleep better now that it’s over.”
Trevor stands. “Yeah. I will. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
As he turns to flee, he catches the way Skyler’s nose scrunches up. Trevor made him upset. And that’s just the final punch to the gut.
In the guest room, he tosses and turns, going over the evening in his head. The last few months, really. Skyler’s been nothing but kind to him, and now Trevor hurt him. He doesn’t know if he hurt him by kissing him when he has no right to, or if he hurt him by stopping it and trying to ignore it. But either way, hurting Skyler—again—is the last thing he wants to do.
