“Oh, right, sure.” He looks it up on his computer and scrawls it down on a lime green Post-it for me. Then before I can turn and make my escape, he says, “Are you sure you don’t want to hear about what I did last night? Because I think we might have invented a new position.”
“I doubt that. And no.”
He juts out his lip in an exaggerated pout, but luckily, I’m not his boyfriend, so it has no effect on me. “Okay, fine,” he says. “But you know, you could still tell me about any fun activities that’ve been keepingyouup late at night. If you wanted to.”
“I don’t.”
“Are you sure?” he pushes.
I narrow my eyes at him. “Are we close enough friends for this?”
This time his pout seems genuine. “I thought we were.”
Sighing, I relent and offer him a small crumb. “Yes, Riley has been staying at my house a lot lately. But that’s all I’m going to tell you.”
He gasps and claps his hands a couple times. “That’s great! I mean, it was pretty obvious, but I’m glad you’re not trying to deny it anymore.”
That gives me pause. “It’s only been obvious to you, right? Nobody else knows?”
“Well... you did drop her off one morning, and she walked in here wearing what someone guessed was one of your flannel shirts. Danny suspects something, and a couple of the other staff. But you know none of them will say anything.”
I do know that. But still, we should probably start being more careful. Riley might be considering some form of coming out, but it should be on her own terms. I’ll lose it if she gets outed publicly before she’s ready.
“So she talked to me the other day,” Brenden says. “She wanted to let me know that she might be leaving soon, but she also might end up staying a lot longer. She wanted to make sure I didn’t need the room.”
“Yeah, it’s... complicated.”
He smiles at me. “She wants to stay, doesn’t she?”
I nod.
“Because of you?”
I think of the conversation we had last week. How we pretty much admitted our feelings for each other. And how she talked about being tired of dealing with all the toxicity of the industry and potentially wanting to step back from it.
Riley’s a smart, strong woman. She’s more than capable of deciding what’s best for herself. But it’s a hell of a lot she’d be walking away from. I know she can’t make that decision lightly. And even though she’d be doing it for plenty of reasons that have nothing to do with me, the idea that she might also be factoring me into her decisions sort of scares the crap out of me.
I don’t want to put any pressure on her. Especially because this thing between us is so new, and I can’t guarantee I’ll be any good at a relationship after my faith in them was shot to hell by my cheating ex-wife. But I want to try for her.
I want her to stay for me.
Fuck, I want so many things that I never thought I’d want again. How did I let this happen?
And if it doesn’t work out...
“Woah, hey, it’s okay,” Brenden says, getting up and rushing around his desk to put a hand on my back. The concern in his eyes makes me realize I might have been freaking out a little.
I force myself to take a deep breath. “If she chooses to stay, it won’t be only for me,” I explain. “We’re not rushing into anything. She has a lot she needs to figure out. But yeah, we’ve talked about it, and we’d maybe, uh... We’d like the chance to be together if it’s possible. Maybe.”
“That’s awesome!” He rubs his hand one time up and down my back, then I snap my head to glare at him, and he steps away from me with his hands in the air.
“But she might still be leaving,” I say. “Her manager told her she needs to.”
“I think it’s up to her to decide what she needs, isn’t it?”
And what if she decides she needs her fame a lot more than she needs me?
“All you can do is communicate your feelings for her,” Brenden continues. “For what it’s worth, I can see that you both make each other happy. And I’m rooting for you.”
