“I thought I made my feelings on that term known,” Brody said shortly in that uptight, controlling tone I’d grown to love. “But I’d like to hear, if you want to tell me…” he said slowly.
“It’s not pretty. It’s messy.”
Brody simply nodded and leaned back on the wall with me. Was I really going to tell him? The locked box where I kept that horrible memory had split open when Preston threatened me, and everything was spilling out. Maybe tomorrow I’d have the strength to stuff it back inside, but tonight, I just couldn’t. Brody was seeing me at my weakest, and, in that moment, I needed to tell someone. I needed someone to bear witness, so I could be sure I wasn’t crazy.
“I guess it’s obvious that I was assaulted. Raped. It wasn’t here in Hade Harbor, though I met the guy here. He was a local hotshot.Rich, connected. He was pursuing Winter, but she was too smart to fall for his act. He had a club up north. It was meant to be really exclusive. I worked hard to get him to invite me. After my father died, everything was hard at home. I thought maybe, if I had a rich boyfriend…” I trailed off with a painful chuckle.
“You see, you’re not far off the mark when you call my mother a gold digger; you’ve just got the wrong Carmichael woman. You should callmethat.”
I took a deep breath. My throat ached with the effort of holding back tears.
“So, I went along with him, grateful for the chance to spend time with him. That place—it doesn’t exist anymore, it burned down, but that place… will haunt my nightmares for the rest of my life.”
I studied the floor. “It wasn’t a date. He stopped pretending it was as soon as we got there. It was a punishment for Winter, because she ‘disrespected’ him and resisted his advances. So, he took her best friend there, drugged her, tied her up, and… there were three of them, I think, in the end.”
There was a soft snapping sound. I glanced over to see that Brody had broken his heavy-duty razor in half.
His face was impassive. “Go on, sweetheart. Get the poison out.” He tossed the broken pieces aside, then curled his hands into fists and closed his eyes. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You look like you’re trying not to kill someone,” I said.
“Not you, sweetheart. Never you.”
I laughed. Somehow, despite what I’d just shared, he made me smile.
“They filmed it, I guess. They… well, I know you felt that mark on my arm. It’s a brand, if you’re wondering, and yes, it really fucking hurt. That’s the only lasting mark they left on my body. The rest are mine.”
“What happened to them? Are they out there somewhere?” Brody’s voice was low and lethal.
I shook my head. “There was an incident. The regulars at this place were either arrested or died in the fire. Trent definitely died.”
Brody dipped his head for a second.
“Well, that saves me a job there. As for the ones in jail, I’ll take care of it.”
“You’ll what?”
“I’ll take care of it. Don’t think about them again.”
I turned around to look at him. “What? Is that an order?”
He nodded. “A new rule.”
“You and your rules,” I sighed. “You know the worst part? The freezing. It’s so weak. When something reminds me of that place, or Trent, I just freeze. I can’t seem to stop it.”
“What about the cutting?” Brody asked.
“The cutting was bad at first. It was the only thing that broke me out of my panic. A way to take control back. I know it’s not pretty, but it helped me when I needed it. I don’t do it much anymore.”
“What about the drinking and partying?”
“Coping mechanisms I’ve had to figure out over time. Thanks to you, I’m doing pretty well with them. When I came back to Hade Harbor, I just wanted to disappear. Then I met you, and you didn’t let me.”
I leaned my chin on my knees. Inside, I tentatively prodded around my bleeding heart. It felt surprisingly okay. In fact, against all odds, I felt strangely light.
“You want to know something I hate?” I whispered to Brody.
He mirrored my pose, listening attentively. His whole body was attuned to me. He was listening with every single part of himself. As I talked haltingly, he spread cream on the cut on my hand and placed a long Band-Aid over it. Then he did the same for his cut.
