I found her in the den. Marcus, always the social leader of the group, was organizing a game and forcing everyone to participate. His gaze fell on me when I entered, and he grinned.
“We needed another girl, so this is perfect. Come on,” he ushered me in.
“I don’t want to play anything, Bailey,” I told him immediately, but the words bounced off.
“It’ll be fun, and besides, I’ll put you in the power position, what do you think?”
I looked at Winter, and she just shrugged.
“Your call,” she said.
“Come on, I need help,” Marcus said, seeming to sense my hesitation. “Coach says the Hellions have to do more team-building exercises, but everyone is being a fucking stick-in-the-mud. And I can’t get the guys to play without some girls involved,” he complained.
He was always the life and soul of a party. Honestly, most events would be boring without Marcus there. He was a great distraction, and now that he had a lovely professor girlfriend who he was obsessed with, I felt completely at ease around him. He’d never hit on me. He was taken in a way that was hard to explain but felt soothing to be near. I wasn’t a woman to him, just one of the guys. I liked that energy. It went for all the Ice Gods. Four guys who were protective over their friends and obsessed with their partners. That dynamic made me feel safe.
“Okay, but it better not be silly?—”
Marcus cut me off with a laugh. “Oh, you know it is, so don’t complain. Watch this space. I’ll get everything organized.”
Another of the Ice Gods’ girlfriends entered the room. Lily. She was the coach’s daughter, and I’d been horrible to her throughout high school. Something about how pretty and smart she was had just gotten under my skin. I didn’t have to be a genius to know it had been jealousy. I’d always been a basic bitch.
Lily was extra annoying these days, because not only was she still sweet, kind, and killing it in her classes, but she was also able to be nice to me, despite our past. She also knew what had happened to me. Not many people did. Was it pity in her kind green eyes when she glanced at me?
She greeted me, then went to introduce the friend she’d brought with her.
“Oh! It’s you!” Aisha said with surprise.
I nodded. The girl from the drama department looked just as eye-catching tonight in a bright-yellow cami with a modest V-neck and jeans. The color made her skin glow.
“Hi again.”
Lily and Winter fell into a deep conversation about something I couldn’t hear.
Aisha sat beside me. “So, did you decide to audition? It’s this week.”
“I know, and the answer is, no, I’m not going to audition.”
“Why not? I’m going to. Not for a principal role or anything like that, but maybe a maid or something small. I just want to be on the stage and in those lights, and face that fear, you know? Tick it off the bucket list.”
“Like I said, you’re braver than me. That guy give you any trouble again?”
“No. I shouldn’t have let myself be in a situation where I was alone with him?—”
“Don’t,” I interrupted her then took a long, soothing glug of my shitty cocktail.
Aisha stared at me curiously.
“Don’t do that. Don’t rationalize his behavior and find a way to make yourself responsible for it. You’re not responsible. You shouldn’t have to plan your movement through life with military precision to make sure you’re never in a situation an asshole can take advantage of. That’s not your responsibility.”
If a year of therapy had given me anything, it was the ability to help people less fucked up than me. It was something.
Aisha sighed and shrugged. “You’re right, but we both know that it doesn’t change reality.”
She was right, of course. High ideals were pointless against reality.
“I think you should audition. Why don’t we go together?” Aisha suggested.
I glanced at her.
