Violet goes very still. "That's not a small thing, Audra," she adds, softer. "That's not something you just… get over."
"I'm not even trying to get over it," I admit, my fingers tightening around my coffee cup. "I'm just trying to understandit. Like… was he planning for a future without me? Or did he think he was protecting me from something?" I let out a hollow laugh. "Or did he just not think about me at all?"
"Men like that always think about only themselves," Jenna mutters. "They're charming on the outside, but rotten within."
I don't think Pete would have sold me to be raped by his coach, but I see Jenna's point. Where there is one secret… and the reasoning behind it is nothing but selfishness. I can see that now.
Violet sighs. "Our men might be killers and brutal, but one thing about them is that they would never lie to us. They would never betray us like that. Marcello would kill a man just for looking at me wrong."
A small noise from Jenna confirms that Massimo is the same way. I glance between them. "You trust them?"
"Not at first," Violet admits. "I was terrified of what he is. Of what his world means." Her eyes soften. "But he never lied to me. Not about the things that mattered."
"That's the line," Jenna adds. "Not whether they're dangerous. All men are in one way or another." She waves a hand vaguely, like that part is obvious. "It's whether they take your choices away."
That lands. Hard. Because suddenly it's not about Pete being safe. It's about Pete deciding what I got to know. What I got to choose. What kind of life I got to have. My stomach twists again with a mix of still lingering nausea and anger.
"But what does that make me?" I ask quietly. "Is it okay to feel this way… about another man I barely know… when my husband of six years is barely in the ground?"
"Well…" Violet starts.
"Yes," Jenna says at the exact same time.
They look at each other.
Jenna shrugs. "I'm not sentimental about wasted time."
Violet huffs out a breath. "It's not wasted. It's… part of who she is."
"Yeah," Jenna agrees. "And now she gets to decide who she is next."
Silence settles over us. Thick. Waiting.
Jenna's gaze sharpens on me. "So let's stop dancing around it. Where does Gabe fit into all of this?"
My heart stutters. "I don't?—"
"Don't," Jenna cuts me off. "You don't look like a woman who's confused. You look like a woman who's trying very hard not to admit something."
Violet watches me more gently, but just as intently. "What do you feel when you're with him?" she asks.
That should be an easy question. It's not. I open my mouth. Close it again. Because what do I say? That he makes everything sharper? Louder? More real? That when he looks at me, I feel like I'm not just existing, I'mseen?
"That's not fair," I murmur.
Jenna snorts. "Life's not fair. Answer the question."
I stare down into my coffee like it might have the answer. "He makes me feel…" I trail off, searching. Failing.
Violet leans forward slightly. "Safe?" she offers.
I shake my head immediately. Not safe, not like Pete did. Being safe with Gabe is something different entirely. It's like sitting in the middle of a hurricane, knowing nothing is going to touch me. "No."
Jenna's brows lift. "Interesting."
I swallow.
"Not safe," I repeat, quieter now. "But not… unsafe either."
