I let out a low breath and force myself to look away before I do something I shouldn’t, like pull her into my arms again.
This wasn’t just sex.
I felt it from the moment I kissed her. I should have stopped it then, before it went too far. But I’m a selfish, greedy asshole. She’d presented me with the gift of her virginity, and like the bastard I am, I took it.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk away from her after I got even the slightest taste of her, and even with the certainty of knowing I can’t have her, not in a real way, not without ruining her, I did it anyway.
Fuck. Me.
She shifts slightly beneath me, and the movement brings my attention sharply back into focus in a way that crystallizes everything at once. That’s when it hits.
I didn’t use a condom.
I run it back in my head, looking for the moment when I stopped to consider it. A moment of hesitation when I should have stopped and found protection.
But there wasn’t.
I didn’t even think about it. All I could think about washer.
Being inside her. Filling her virgin womb with my seed.
Like a primal need, my animal instincts had taken over.
Fuck.
“I didn’t use anything,” I say, keeping my tone even.
Her expression flickers for a moment like she’s processing my words. “It’s fine,” she says after a moment. “I track my cycle.”
That fits with everything I already know about how organized and competent she is.
I nod once, more to myself than to her, and let the silence grow between us again.
“You sure you’re okay?” I reach for her one more time, knowing that soon it will be my last. It has to be.
She nods. “More than okay.”
I study her for another second before I force myself to move away. “Good.”
It should end there. I should get up, get dressed, and put space between us. But I don’t.
Neither does she.
“Thank you,” she says awkwardly. “For… you know..”
“Don’t,” I silence her. “Don’t make it seem like I was doing you a favor.”
“But you kind of?—”
“No,” I say with authority that silences her. “Don’t do that. Don’t make it seem liketaking your virginity wasn’t anything but a fucking honor. Because it was, Lilly. I knew exactly what I was doing,” I add, softer now. “And I’d do it again.”
Her breath catches, and I see the shift in her at my admission.
Good.
Because I meant every fucking word. For better or worse, we’ve already crossed the line, and there’s no going back. Not for me. Not now.
Chapter Ten
