Here, there’s nothing.
Normally, that’s exactly the way I like it. But for the first time, driving up to my empty, cold house feels just that…
Inside, I start a fire in the fireplace to help cut the chill in the living room and walk through the space, noticing for the first time just how different it is from Holt and Tessa’s place.
Here, the couch looks like it’s barely been sat on. There is nothing on the countertops, very little on the shelves, and eventhe kitchen is pristinely clean. It’s as if the house has barely been lived in.
And that’s because it hasn’t. Only one room in the house sees much use.
My office door stands half open, the glow of the desk lamp illuminating the mess I left behind.
Stacks of paper are on every available surface. Reports, folders, and legal pads with half-written notes scrawled everywhere. Mypilesystem always makes sense in the moment, but now the mess blurs together, and I don’t have the energy to navigate any of it.
I exhale slowly and turn away. I don’t want to believe that Tessa and Holt are right and I could use help.
They’re not entirely wrong. But letting someone in is something I can’t do.
Not even professionally.
Letting people in means giving them something to lose.
I tried that once. A woman. A child. A life that was supposed to last.
And I still managed to screw it all up, hurting Tessa in the process.
Sure, life on the mountain can get lonely.
But loneliness doesn’t destroy people the way disappointment does. And I won’t do it again.
Lilly
The hotel room smells like industrial cleaners and some type of manufactured floral fragrance, no doubt designed to cover up the cleaner. It’s a combination that’s making my eyes burn, and my head hurt.
Then again, the headache is probably more from everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours, and the wholeending my relationship with my cheating piece of shit fiancésituation.
Yes, that’s definitely played a role in the pounding of my head.
After my discovery, things moved very quickly.
I grabbed what I could on my way out the door. To be honest, I didn’t have much more than the clothes in my suitcase, my laptop, and a few books. After living in shared houses for the last four years while I was getting my degree, I didn’t have a chance to accumulate much.
But it never mattered, because Barrett had everything. An apartment, a career, a whole life I’d been preparing to step right into.
Yet another wash of relief flows through me at the reminder that I’d just dodged a huge bullet by finding Barrett and Sarah together.
There’d been so many red flags in our relationship for far too long. I know I should have broken up with him months ago, or at least talked to him about my concerns. That’s what I’d tried to do when?—
The image of Barrett’s shocked face when he’d seen me, along with Sarah’s casual nudity and the way they’d both acted like it wasn’t a big deal for them to befuckingin the bed Barrett and I hadn’t even had a chance to share, makes me laugh.
There’s no humor in the sound.
But there’s also no hurt.
Maybe the pain will come later.
Right now, everything feels muted. Like, somehow the dial has been turned down on my emotions so my brain doesn’t short circuit while I try to figure out my next move.
I can’t go home. Dad and I have barely spoken since I moved out four years ago. Besides exchanging holiday greetings and half hearted birthday wishes, we don’t talk at all, so it’s not like I could go home.
