My walk from Green Glen Cabins to the hospital took less time than I anticipated. Ogram had work to do at the farm before our agreed-upon time for the baby’s name reveal, so I lean against the wall outside Hope’s room, giving Cate the time alone with Hope she said she wanted in her text this morning. Eavesdropping isn’t my intention, but the sound of Cate’s voice drifting out the open door is impossible to ignore when it’s the only thing I want to hear.
“Should I go get a nurse?”
“No, I’m okay,” Hope says in a winded voice. “It’s sore when I move, which they said is to be expected after a routine cesarean section, and since they airlifted an almost-fifteen-pound troll baby out of my abdomen less than twelve hours ago?—”
The baby’s whimpering cry interrupts his mother’s conversation.
“Already?” The exhaustion in Hope’s tone is unmistakable. “He’s only been asleep for an hour.”
“What can I do? Change his diaper? Pick him up and rock him?”
“I don’t expect you to do anything like that, Cate. I don’t want to make being around the baby any harder than it probably is for you.”
“I appreciate your thoughtfulness and consideration, but I’m fine, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you and my grandbaby.”
“Okay, but if you ever need a moment or want to talk, I’m here for you, and I promise that anything you tell me will remain in the vault, along with the rest.”
Cate doesn’t answer, but she’s probably nodding and smiling. Acknowledging the conversation in a way that doesn’t continue it.
I’ve been on the receiving end of that move enough times to picture it as if I’m in the room witnessing it. What I can’t figure out is why Hope’s so concerned about Cate being uncomfortable with the baby. Same as last night.
“He doesn’t smell like his diaper is full,” Cate says. “May I pick him up and see if that helps?”
“Of course.”
“Come to Nana, sweet boy.” A string of whispers, cooing, and kissing sounds follows. “Oh, Hope. He’s absolutely beautiful. I love him already. But the way his precious little lips are smacking, I think he’s looking for more than a cuddle.”
“I’ll need some help to get situated, but I can buzz for the nurse if you’d rather not be here while I’m breastfeeding him.”
“I want to help, and I’m good, I promise.”
As Hope begins telling Cate how to assist, I take a walk to the end of the hall. By the time I return to the open door, everything is quiet.
“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Hope’s whispered voice breaks the silence. “The nurse said he’s a natural at latching.”
“Of course he is. He’s perfect in every way.”
“I think you might be as biased as I am,” Hope says with a soft giggle.
“I absolutely am.” A few seconds tick by, then Cate clears her throat. “I used to think about what it would feel like to nurse my baby someday. Breastfeeding would’ve been my choice. Thank you for letting me be here to experience it through you.”
Every muscle in my body stiffens at Cate’s admission. In all our conversations during our years together, the subject of having kids never came up. I took it to mean she didn’t want any. To hear her confide this desire that she chose not to share with me is like a fist squeezing my heart.
“Cate… the man you told me about, the one you were in love with but didn’t tell about the baby you lost, was it Grüsh?”
It can’t be me—she wouldn’t have kept something like this from me. It has to be someone from after I left town. Of course, she moved on during that time. But hearing that she loved someone else, that she wanted a baby with them…
“Yes,” she whispers. “It was Grüsh.”
The air rushes from my lungs, my chest tightens, and I can barely draw a breath. I close my eyes and press my fingers to my temples, but it does fuck all to calm the pulse pounding in my ears.
“Grüsh, I am so glad you are here.” Ogram’s hand lands on my shoulder, his booming voice cutting through the noise in myhead. Probably through the quiet in his wife’s hospital room, too. “Why are you waiting out here in the hall?”
Fuck. “Cate wanted some time alone with Hope before you and I arrived.”
“Ah. Then perhaps it’s not a terrible thing that I’m a few minutes late.” One hand still resting on my shoulder, he motions toward the doorway. “But let’s not keep them waiting any longer.”
All I can do is nod and go along as if I didn’t just overhear something Cate never intended for me to know.
