‘They would have to notice I exist first.’
That had the desired effect of quietening the Princess. She was sitting upright against pillows, her black hair pooling on the bed sheets like swirls of ink. She looked like a doll, so slight and delicate. Beside her, Alinore was aware that she appeared enormous: tall with large feet and wide hands – good for duelling, but not exactly admired by the rest of the court. Sometimes, in her bitter moments, Alinore wondered if that’s why Cressyda liked to have her around: to make herself all the smaller and slighter.
‘I suppose you also think that no one notices you go to the storeroom at the back of the stables and practise swordplay?’ snapped Cressyda.
A hot rush of horror swept over Alinore. ‘What?’ she gasped. ‘How do you know that?’ She raked her hands through her thick, dark hair. ‘Did Prince Ottone tell you?’
Cressyda blinked in surprise. ‘Ottone knows about this?’ For a moment, her composure faltered, and hurt flashed across her features. Then she shook herself. ‘You need to stop, Alinore. Do you understand? You need to stop all of this sneaking around. If the Queen finds out, she won’t like it. She’ll think it’s improper.’ Cressyda hesitated as if unsure whether to carry on. ‘You might be my companion, but we’re both members of her household,’ she added. ‘The Queen could dismiss you.’
Alinore’s pulse thundered in her ears, and her hands curled into fists so tightly her nails bit into her palms. Though a small part ofher knew that Cressyda was right, she hated it. The frustration she had been holding back crackled into fury. She had had enough of Cressyda’s cool superiority. She had had enough of being ignored and belittled by everyone.
‘I’m worried about you,’ Cressyda continued. ‘I’m concerned that—’
‘You’re not worried about me!’ Alinore said with a snarl. ‘You’re jealous.’
Cressyda started in surprise, her perfect pink lips parting. ‘What? Don’t be foolish.’
‘Because it would be so foolish foryouto be jealous ofme?’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
More scorching words bristled on Alinore’s tongue, hot and unstoppable. ‘You might be happy to sit around all day at the beck and call of the Queen, but I’m not,’ she hissed. ‘It’s pathetic, Cressyda. You could be so much more. Stop starving yourself to please the whims of a sad, broken woman who doesn’t care about anyone but herself.’
Cressyda jolted as if she had been slapped.
‘So I don’t care what you say. I’m not going to stop training,’ Alinore continued. ‘I’m preparing to apply for a squireship.’
Cressyda’s mouth dropped open. ‘Alinore, you cannot be serious—’
‘I’m deadly serious! It’s what I want and it’s what I’m meant to be. I don’t let everyone else rule my life. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not.’
‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’
Alinore’s fingers were squeezed into fists at her sides, her eyes wide and hard. She knew what she was about to say would hurt, but she could not stop herself. ‘You hate that everyone calls you the Pet … but you’ve brought it on yourself,’ she replied. ‘You act thepart. You’ve let yourself be moulded into a perfect little fake princess. You’vemadeyourself the Pet.’
Cressyda stared, her face pale.
‘I know what everyone thinks of me. I know I’m the strange nobody of the Calestran court without a fleck to my name. But I’ll show you. I’ll show everyone that they shouldn’t have underestimated me. Iamgoing to be a lady knight. I’m going to make my fortune by my sword, just like my father did.’
Fury and hurt flashed through Cressyda’s amber eyes. ‘And I suppose you’re also going to lose it all like your father did?’ she cried, her voice thin and shaky.
Alinore recoiled, alarm rising like bile in the back of her throat. It had been many winters since her father’s death, but the grief was still so tender, always boiling just beneath the surface. It hit her in waves, the overpowering weight of sorrow often taking her by surprise: the realization that she would never see him again in this life consuming her with unbearable pain. She missed her father keenly and she knew that she always would.
‘You should understand some truths about your father,’ said Cressyda. ‘You think he died in battle, but you’re wrong.’
Alinore wanted to tell her friend to stop, certain that whatever was coming next would change everything. But she was frozen in fear and horror.
‘Your father abandoned his battalion,’ Cressyda continued. ‘I heard the King and Queen discuss it once. You think that he was a hero, but you’re wrong.’
A thick silence.
They faced one another, stricken and horrified.
‘No,’ whispered Alinore, devastation sinking deeper inside her as each cutting word lodged into her heart. ‘No.You’rewrong.’
She moved to the door. She needed to escape. The room was shrinking, the walls pressing in. Her pulse pounded in her ears as her fingers fumbled with the handle.
‘Alinore, wait!’ gasped Cressyda.
