“So the whole sequence of events would have happened with or without you.”
“I gave a blistering closing argument at the sentencing hearing. Raked Perry over the coals harder than anyone I’d ever prosecuted. I was mad at him. Mad for stealing millions, mad at him for betraying his wife, and mad at him for thinking he was above the law and above everyone sitting in that courtroom. I took what he’d done personally, and I went for the jugular. It was the only time I ever saw his bravado crack. I finally broke through his walls of arrogance, pride, and ego and got to the man himself. And then I annihilated him. Not just for his actions, but for who he was as a human being.”
“And you think that’s why he killed himself? Because you forced him for once in his life to take an honest look at himself?”
He nodded, his throat too tight to speak.
“Reno, every person on the planet has to take a hard look at himself from time to time. We all have flaws and failings, and we’re all responsible for acknowledging them and deciding what to do about them. Good people try to fix their mistakes and do better. Be better. Bad people run away from who they are, or lie to themselves, or decide they’re okay with being the way they are.”
He stared at her, desperate for her words to be true.
She continued, “You have no way of knowing what triggered him to kill himself. Maybe his wife tore into him worse than you did when they got home. Maybe his mother told him she was disappointed in him or that he’d humiliated the family name by getting sent to jail, and it broke him. Maybe he was terrified of going to jail and too big a coward to face the consequences of his actions. Or maybe he was so unwilling to take a hard, honest look at himself that he would rather die than admit to himself that he had character flaws and made terrible mistakes that hurt a lot of other people, including the ones he loved.”
A therapist had told Reno the same thing years ago when he first got to the rodeo. Hank had set him up on a blind date that turned out to be a counseling session Hank had tricked him into.
He’d rejected the logic back then, but coming from Grace whose honesty was impeccable and whose kindness and decency he trusted implicitly, it was harder to ignore the points she made. Was it possible he wasn’t the reason, or at least not the sole reason, Perry killed himself?
“Why did you tell me all this?” she asked him. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you told me. I’m just curious what prompted you to do it now.”
After having to confess everything else, it was easier to be honest about this then he’d expected. “I told you because you kissed me today, and left the net move up to me. I don’t know yet what comes next between us, but I know I have no business doing anything with it until you know who you kissed and who I really am.”
The porch was quiet for a long time.
Grace set her mug on the side table. She turned a little more on the couch, so she was facing him fully. “I’m going to say two things, I don’t want you to respond to either of them tonight.”
“All right.”
“First. I appreciate that you told me. It cost you a lot to do it, and I see that.”
He nodded.
“Second. I will not be the person who forgives you. It’s not mine to give in this situation. Susannah Perry’s the one who gets to decide to forgive you or not, and she doesn’t know who you are, so she can’t.”
He flinched as he realized he had hoped Grace, who reminded him so much of Susannah in some ways, would forgive him for driving Perry to suicide.
Grace continued, “What I will tell you is the man I have been getting to know is honorable and decent and good. The fact that you questioned yourself, questioned if you’d gone too far in your attack on Perry, and that you’ve tried to make up for what you perceive as a big mistake you made, says a lot about your core values and the strength of your character. You are somebody I would like to know better.”
He stared at her in amazement. He’d been bracing ever since he met her for the moment she found out what a monster he really was and kicked him to the curb. But here she was saying that he wasn’t perfect and another woman might or might not forgive him for past actions, and she still wanted to go forward with a relationship with him? If he wasn’t mistaken, she wanted to get to know him better precisely because he was flawed? Or was it because he acknowledged his flaws and mistakes?
He was, indeed, going to have to sit with all this for a while. Give his legal mind time to sort it out.
They sat there in the dim circle of golden light from the little lamp with the cat purring lazily on her lap. He didn’t reach for her hand and she didn’t reach for his. But it was all right. The space between them wasn’t an impossible chasm to cross anymore. Tonight, they’d built a bridge that, with time and care would allow them to close the space between them.
He felt good about the foundation they’d built for the bridge. It was honest and solid, and neither of them had sidestepped any of the hard parts of this conversation. A sense of calm began to creep over him inch by slow inch. And with it came a feeling that everything was going to be okay.
After a while she said, quietly, “I never thought I’d kiss anyone in my life but Liam.” A pause. “I’m not sorry I did it.”
“I’m glad you’re not.”
“And, Reno?”
“Yes?”
“Madison Steele is a very lucky girl to have you in her corner.”
His eyes stung suddenly, and he had to look out at the lake for a few moments to manage it. “Thank you, Grace.”
“You’re welcome.” She got up, gathered the mugs, and headed for the kitchen, but stopped in the doorway. “Tomorrow morning, I want pancakes. With strawberries. Lily will want some too.”
