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“Emmy!” Stella shrieks my name, bouncing wildly beside me.
“I know.” I drop my head into my hands and sigh. “It’s horrible.”
Truly, it is. Only, I’m not sure which is worse: the fact that we kissed or the fact that I liked it.
“No!” Stella exclaims, pulling my hands away from my face. “It’s amazing!”
“What?” Zach and I ask in tandem. At least someone else sees this for what it is—a freaking disaster.
She looks to Gabe for support, but he shakes his head. “I need to hear your reasoning before I can decide if you’re insanely smart or just insane.”
Stella looks at all three of us like we’re as dense as bricks. “Use this to your advantage, babe.”
I stare at her blankly. “What?”
Gabe slowly nods his head. “No, she has a point. He’s obviously attracted to you. Use your feminine wiles to make him be nice.”
“I don’t know,” Zach murmurs, giving voice to my own thoughts. “Emmy might not be ready for this kind of game.”
“That—that’s just not me. Not to mention, he probably only kissed me to mess with me. For all I know, it was some power play, just to reinforce how stupid I am.”
“No. No way.” Gabe leans forward, locking his eyes onto mine. “Remember the second time we met?”
“Um, yeah...” How could I forget? “Why?”
“When you slammed into me outside of your classroom, he was lingering in the doorway, watching us.”
“You mean that dude we saw outside of her building?” Zach asks.
“Yeah, him.”
“Oh, he’s definitely into you.” Zach chuckles. “He was stalking your ass like he was a lion and you were a gazelle.”
“What? No...”
“Yeah.” Gabe nods vigorously. “Swear it. He glared at me so hard when you left with me... let’s just say I’m glad looks can’t actually kill.”
“Truth. After you went inside, Gabe made us walk all the way around the backside of the campus to avoid him. Dude looked like he had a bone to pick.”
My brain can’t seem to process this new information. Surely there’s a logical reason for his strange behavior.
“Maybe it’s not about Rob,” Stella says, her eyes immediately flaring wide with regret. “Oh my God! Emmy, I’m sorry.”
I squeeze her hand. “It’s okay. They know about Rob.”
“Okay.” She eyes me speculatively. “Well, then yeah. Maybe it’s not a Rob thing, but like a, jealous-school-boy-play-yard thing?”
“I highly doubt it.” I look to Gabe and Zach for support, but they both shrug.
“I was a total ass to Gabe when we first met.” Zach looks up at his boyfriend lovingly.
“Yeah, but only because you were still in the closet. You didn’t want to admit that my fine-ass-self got your dick hard, so you acted like a macho asshole.”
Stella gasps. “Maybe Sterling’s in the closet over how he feels about you!”
“Not what that means,” I tell her gently.
She rolls her eyes. “I know. I just meant, maybe he’s always had feelings for you, but has been in denial.”
“He hardly noticed me growing up.”
“But—”
I cut her off. “I love you, Stella, but he’s not interested in me. He doesn’t have a crush. And I can almost guarantee he kissed me with ulterior motives.”
I think. Right? Yeah, I have to be right. Don’t I?
Indecision turns my stomach.
Thankfully, Stella doesn’t keep pushing. At least not about that. “You at least have to tell us, was he a good kisser at least?”
“The best,” I say, flopping back on the couch in disgust.
* * *
“Seriously, how is it already Thursday?” Stella asks as the coffee pot gurgles to life on the counter behind her.
“Ugh,” I groan. “Don’t even get me started.” I’m honestly half tempted to skip class today to avoid Sterling for a little bit longer. But, after the quiz disaster from Tuesday and my unfortunate project pairing, I’m already going to have to bust my ass in that class just to keep my head above water.
Like the heaven-sent angel she is, Stella passes me a mug of coffee. “You gonna be okay?“
“Define okay.” I take a long sip, letting the caffeine wind its way through me, warming me and waking me from the inside out.
“Let’s set the bar low. Okay, as in you won’t shove your pen through his eyeball?”
I can’t help but laugh. “Then yeah, I think I’ll be okay.”
“Atta girl!” Stella clicks her tongue at me. “Now, let’s go.”
We walk together, chatting aimlessly until we have to go our separate ways. Which, naturally, is when my nerves really set in.
Will he be the same asshole as usual or was our clandestine kiss some type of fucked-up olive branch?
Only one way to find out.
Steeling my spine, I march into the building with my head held high. There’re so many things in life we can’t control, the actions of others being one of them. Worrying over how he’s going to behave won’t change anything.
It’s out of your control. Just breathe.
