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Even caught up in confusion,
I knew better than to repeat myself.
I shook my head.
Tell me again.
Okay, she was testing me.
I flunked completely.
“I said, fuck you.”
That’s what I thought you said.
Mom’s turn for firsts.
She slapped me so hard my teeth
rattled and snot flew.
Don’t ever say that to me again.
I dissolved into exhausted
tears, wondering why I’d done it.
Mom broke down too.
Kristina, what’s going on with you?
I couldn’t tell her the truth.
What kind of lie might do? I started
with a genuine, “I’m sorry.”
Oh, God, I’m sorry too.
She sat down beside me
on the bed, put her arms around
me, hugged tight.
You’re not in trouble, are you?
Trouble? All sorts of trouble, oh,
yes. But not the kind she was worried
about. “No, Mom.”
These new friends … are they … okay?
Why couldn’t she just say
what she meant, ask if they’d led
